Love Yourself!

So we finally got the boys to bed, Justin crashed since he has to get up earlier than me and I went on to finish cleaning the kitchen and switch out the laundry.  I went out to the garage to turn the light off and caught a snippet of Meghan Trainor's "All About That Bass" on the radio (which plays all the time out there... I keep forgetting to ask Justin why he likes to leave it on) and then it got stuck in my head.  So as I was folding laundry I sang it to myself.  And reflected on how there's been this big body-loving movement going on encouraging everyone to love yourself no matter what size you are. Which is pretty awesome.

I'm on Instagram a lot - I use it as my online health journal.  Yep, I'm the person that posts swelfies after a workout or pictures of my super healthy meals.  If you don't like it, don't follow it (the glory of Instagram).  That being said, I follow a lot of like-minded people using IG as their online health journal as well.  I read the stories of people going from severely overweight to fit, and I read their stories about their journey, and find them so inspirational, then I go on to read some of the comments from other followers who say things like, "Your story makes it sound like fat people are bad."  Or, "What you said sounds a lot like fat shaming."

I've posted before and after pictures along my way too, and I always think, gee, I hope nobody thinks that of me.

I've worked my butt off to get to where I am (literally!).  Does that mean I think heavier people (is that the "politically correct" term?) are bad?  No.  I got to thinking about this whole concept as I was folding laundry...

What it all boils down to is self love.  Why did I want to lose weight?  Because I wasn't happy where I was before.  I lacked confidence, I felt sluggish, I felt fatigued, I felt weak, and I was depressed.  Diet and exercise changed all that for me, and while I lost weight, the most important thing is that I found happiness.

A lot of people have complained about themselves and their size or shape around me.  It sounds like a lack of confidence, but there's definitely a lack of self love. (I always liked the quote, "Would you talk about your best friend the way you talk about yourself?"  Think about that...)

So here's the thing.  There's nothing wrong with being fat, or skinny, or anywhere in between or beyond.  There's only something wrong with it if you're not happy in your skin.  And if you're willing to do something to change how you feel about yourself, no matter what amount of effort and hard work it takes, then do it.  If you're not willing to put forth the effort to change, then find a way to love yourself for who you are and what you are.

Better yet, do that anyway, even if you do have full intentions of embarking on a health or fitness journey.  It makes the journey much more successful, trust me.

Let's all practice self love this year!  And reap the benefits!  Quit comparing, quit shaming, and quit putting yourself down.  You are you - own it and rock it.

That's all!  Sorry I haven't posted in awhile, by the way.  I've been too busy juggling my business, preparing for adventures in 2016, organizing things from 2015, doing the family thing, recovering from the holidays, making it a priority to work out regularly, obsessing over trying to break my sugar addiction (which was my Christmas present to myself, hooray.) and trying to eat healthier.  I'm getting back there.  Maybe I'll blog about that next...

Anyway, I felt like sharing my musings from a late-night laundry folding session, short and sweet though it may be.  Hope everyone's 2016 is off to a great start!

The Power of Gratitude

Well, here I am again, it's been over a MONTH since I've blogged.  A MONTH.  That is unacceptable.  Okay fine I guess it has to be acceptable, because it happened.  But here I am, so let's do this.

I had a whole idea about Halloween to blog about (we had the best Halloween yet, by the way, it was SO much fun!) and never got to it.  Then I had this post that I wanted to write before Thanksgiving and never did.  But what can I say?  I'm living life.  Running a business, being part of a family - those two things in themselves are time consuming.  But it's a good thing to have that problem!  Life is definitely good right now.

Which brings me to this topic.  Gratitude.  I wanted to write about it before Thanksgiving, but really it reigns true throughout the year, throughout all of life, so anytime is a good time to talk about this.  But since I like to be all theme-y, I guess technically it's still within a week of Thanksgiving so I'm good, right? :)

This is SO TRUE.  This quote says it all.

Story time!

Granny would always  make comments about how I live a "charmed life".  She would ALWAYS say that.  And she's right, things have always sort of worked out for me.

My dad kind of set that foundation for me.  He got me started in life with the awareness that a positive attitude attracts positive things into life.  And I found it to be true.  But don't just think positive thoughts - BELIEVE them. And a step further from there, live as though you've already received what you're asking for.

And be thankful for it.  Be grateful.  Stop and honor what you've been given in your life, and more good will come.  More things will happen to you thank you can be grateful for.

And not just all the good things.  It's one thing to say "I'm grateful for my spouse.  I'm grateful for my kids.  I'm grateful for the roof over my head, the clothes on my back and the food on my table."  Finding silver linings in bad things and finding ways to be grateful for those can make a HUGE impact on your overall life and well-being.  I ALWAYS reflect on my gratitude for my learning experiences.  Yes, I agree with Granny that I've lived a charmed life, but it hasn't been perfect by any means.  But for that, I am grateful.  Here's why.

This post ties in with my post about The Other Side of Hardship, Depression, Pain, and Trauma.  But I'm going to dig a little deeper - perhaps you'll be able to relate to some of these experiences, or they'll help you to reflect on your own and find your own gratitude.

My first love (yes, we were only in like 8th grade but teenagers know what love is.  Granted, it's not the same when you're in your 20's, or 30's, or 70's, but it's love.  Just throwing that out there.) broke it to me that he was gay and it crushed my poor little teenage heart.  It was a huge struggle for both of us - him with his confusion and realizing he may have to face a lifetime of persecution just to be happy, and me having to come to terms that we can't be together, and I have to be open-minded and accepting of his lifestyle, which was completely foreign to me.

I learned to love and accept people.  If it weren't for him I wouldn't be as open and accepting and understanding as I am today.  Everyone has a journey.  Everyone has a story.  Everyone has battles.  I accept everyone for them, no matter who they are or what they're battling, or if it even makes any sense to me.  For that I am grateful.

I've been stabbed in the back, and nearly lost a job over it.  I had to learn not to harbor anger and resentment.  Life ended up working out for the better for me, as life usually does when struggles arise.  For that I am grateful.  It taught me to be cautious with my trust. Sometimes maybe a little too cautious... And I also had to learn forgiveness.  That's a hard lesson to learn.  But for that, I am grateful.

I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship, without even realizing it.  I was trapped for nearly two years, unable to see what it was doing to me.  I finally got out of it, and realized the importance of protecting my emotions and listening to my heart.  I had a bad feeling about it the whole time, I just never tuned in and listened and instead made excuses.  I know better.  I tune into my gut instincts, and I've developed my ability to understand what my heart is telling me.  For that I am grateful.

I've been the victim of huge misunderstandings founded in jealousy, close-mindedness, and lack of empathy or flexibility or willingness to change or stretch.  Another lesson in forgiveness, and a reminder that everyone has inner demons and personal weaknesses.  I can choose to either get sucked in with them, or let them travel their own journey.  I have the choice.  For that I am grateful.

I've fallen in love with someone still battling inner demons.  I was about to leave when a good friend gave me some sage advice that has stuck with me to this day, and I will share it with you:

"When you pray, what do you ask for?  What kind of person do you want to be?  What kind of qualities or characteristics do you want God to give you?"

And I thought about it and then said, "Patience, strength, courage..."

To which she said,

"Isn't that what you're getting from this experience by being with him? Isn't that the kind of lessons he's brought into your life?"

God (or Universe, or Spirit, or Source, whatever you want to call it) can't just GIVE you the qualities you want in yourself.  You have to earn them and develop them.  That's what you're here for!

I went back with patience in my heart and a new readiness to forgive and give it one more chance.  We both were willing to put in the work, which we did, and we made it through, stronger and more connected than ever before, and we're married today!  For those hardships, for his personal battles and how they affected us, I am grateful.  And he's amazing - through all of that, he grew in his own strengths - patience, forgiveness, understanding, and perseverance.  For that, I am very grateful.

I poured my heart and soul into my desire for a home birth with Harlee, who resulted in a hospital transfer and c-section, followed by the darkest days I've ever experienced in my life.  It left me questioning if my "charmed life" was all just a sick joke played by the Universe.  That there's no such thing as "think positive and positive things will happen."  Even though my entire life has proven otherwise.  I lost all faith and trust in everything I once believed in.  That is a very scary place to be.

But I made new friends through my search for support.  I strengthened friendships with people I didn't realize had gone through similar experiences.  I was led to discover fitness, and then healthy eating habits.  My life changed physically and I regained confidence and most of my happiness.  I then "stumbled" (divine intervention at it's finest, I like to believe) upon a therapist who led me even further into my journey of self-discovery.  I grew stronger.  I developed awareness, stronger consciousness, and I was more "tuned in" to myself and the world around me.

Which, interestingly enough, is everything I wanted before.  I used to want more awareness, higher consciousness, and connectedness.

The sage advice my friend gave me came around again.

I earned those characteristics and strengths.

And so, for the trauma of Harlee's birth and the darkness that followed, I am SO grateful.  Eternally grateful.  I could cry just thinking about how grateful I am.  I never EVER thought I'd be saying that when I was in the midst of the darkness.  But it's restored my faith in life and the Universe, that EVERYTHING happens for a reason.  And the worst of things that happen, if you handle them properly, can turn into the best learning experiences you'll ever get in this life.  And the person you can become when you rise from the ashes is more amazing than you ever dreamed you could be.

For my friend's advice that stuck with me, I am grateful.

For the people that came into my life "by chance" when I needed them most, I am grateful.

For my restored faith in the Universe, and my trust that good things happen when you think positive, I am grateful.  But also for the realization that you do get what you ask for, but sometimes you have to put in the work too which can turn out to be pretty difficult, I am definitely grateful.

Gratitude.  It's huge.  It's what makes the who positive attitude "Law of Attraction" thing work.

Now, every day I express gratitude.  Especially for the little obstacles that later unveil their reason for happening (which is always SO cool).  Like the other morning, I was about to head out the door when Harlee said something that reminded me I forgot something inside.  I felt gratitude for Harlee's comment. I went inside to get it and realized I left the fireplace on.  "Yikes, that could have been bad!" I thought.  I took a moment to feel gratitude for the fact that I forgot something that required me to come back inside and see that I needed to turn the fireplace off.  Call it a guardian angel, call it God's protection, call it coincidence, but I call it the law of attraction in action.  The more gratitude I express, the more things come into my life to be grateful for.

Try it!  What are you grateful for?  Of course you're grateful for your family and friends, your job and your home and your well-being.  But stop and think about where you've been in this life.  Everything that happened to you that brought you to where you are today.  Who are you because of it all?  How was your life made better because of the things that once made it worse?  Life is filled with learning experiences and opportunities to make the rest of your life absolutely incredible.  Seize them with gratitude and enjoy the ride!

Breastfeeding: A Love-Hate Relationship

While I'm on the subject of TMI (did you read my last post about yeast infections? lovely...) and now that my breastfeeding days have drawn to a close, I've decided to talk about it.  I want to share my honesty, as well as personal advice for other BF mamas.  If you're a hardcore breastfeeding advocate, you may not like this post a whole lot, but I encourage you to read it regardless.

I want to talk both about the emotional aspects and the physical aspects of breastfeeding.  I'll start with physical.  I don't know enough about it to give much in-depth advice, believe it or not, but I'll cover what I do know here, so if I miss something you'd like more information about then get in touch with a lactation counselor, or check out La Leche League either online or find your local group, or KellyMom.com has good info too.

Breastfeeding has, thankfully, been easy for me.  Which is why I haven't done a whole lot of research on it - it's just something that came naturally.  I can imagine how devastating it must be for moms who can't or who struggle - it seems as though their emotions somewhat match the emotions I had after my c-section with Harlee and I was left feeling broken and defective.  You feel like you failed yourself and you failed your child and everyone looks at you as a failure.  I honestly don't believe ALL women can do it.  Difficulty is something women faced throughout history.  Ever heard of a wet nurse?  She's a breastfeeding mom who nurses the child of a mom who couldn't do it.  I don't know what the reasons are for not being able to, but if you're one of those women, it's okay.  You're not defective.  Of the women who were unsuccessful, however, I do believe a lot of them could have done it with a proper support team and the proper information provided to them.  Which is another reason to get in touch with a lactation counselor or La Leche League.  If you're relying on a breastfeeding class provided by your hospital, you're probably not going to get a whole lot, sorry.

Like I said, I've had a pretty smooth breastfeeding experience.  With Harlee I didn't have much of a clientele built up at work so I was able to leave him for short periods of time with my mom or grandma and come back to feed him without needing to pump in between.  I'd still pump just to make sure I was producing extra in the event I did need to leave him longer, but otherwise this set-up worked well.

Breastfeeding is a supply-and-demand kind of thing.  If there isn't a demand, your body will supply less and less.  If there's more of a demand, your body will do what it can to keep up, provided you're well hydrated, healthy, and other factors like stress or illness or medication don't hinder you.  Nursing the baby directly produces more than just strictly pumping, too.

When both my boys were born, I felt like I was producing enough to keep up with quadruplets.  It was crazy.  Within a month or so it regulated, though, and I wasn't feeling constantly engorged nor was I drowning them every time they ate.

With Elliot I was at work a lot more than I was with Harlee, so I pumped more regularly.  It's definitely been a different experience.  I had to make sure I scheduled time between every two-three clients to sit and pump so I could keep my supply up.

I noticed when I started working out a lot more intensely that my supply seemed to start waning, and I was getting a bit nervous about it.  Then one day at personal training I got a charley horse in my leg and I suddenly remembered I had been forgetting to take my salt sole in the morning!  I started taking it again and that day and all the days following my milk supply increased more and more too - I'm definitely thinking there's a connection!  Yet another amazing benefit of balanced trace minerals in the body...

More Ways to Increase Supply

Salt Sole, which I mentioned above.

Fennel essential oil, which I used with success.  I diluted it with coconut oil and rubbed it on topically.

Mother's Milk tea is also a good option, but I'm not an avid tea drinker enough to be able to say whether I think that works for me or not.  It's worked for other moms though.

Fenugreek supplements are another good option, which is the primary component of the mother's milk tea.  I can't speak from personal experience, but I do know a few moms who took this with success.

How To Decrease Supply 

Peppermint essential oil.  It works like a charm.  I'll share the story about my final days of breastfeeding Elliot below, but basically the last couple days I was feeling slightly engorged as my body was still trying to keep up with night feedings, which weren't happening anymore.  I diluted some peppermint oil with coconut oil and rubbed it on where it was the sorest, and within minutes I was feeling relief.  That stuff will dry you up, so if you don't want that, then avoid it.

The Good...

Breastfeeding has some incredible health benefits for you and your child, and gives them such a great start to life.  There's no way I, personally, would have chosen not to do it.  You're passing along your antibodies to support your baby's developing immune system, as well as providing them with complete nutrition and beneficial fats, carbohydrates, and proteins to help them grow and develop.  There are a lot of good formulas on the market, but nothing holds a candle to the power of real breastmilk.

If you do need a good formula, I recommend Nature's One Baby's Only Organic Formula. A friend of mine told me about it, which she used for her baby, and I looked into it myself.  They promote it as a toddler formula because they encourage breastfeeding for the first year, but according to the company it can be used for infants and babies.  I really think this is one of the best products out there.  Please don't just feed your baby anything if you find you can't breastfeed.  That first year of their life is SO important as they develop, so nourishing them properly is HUGE.  Food is medicine, people.  I will say that over and over and over.  Feed your new developing baby the best, and give them the best start in life that you can.  They're fully dependent on you for that.

The Bad...

Now let's talk about the emotional aspect.  Sometimes (or most times) I can totally see why people choose not too.

'Cause at the same time as it's wonderful, it also kinda sucks.

This is just my personal opinion about it.  Not everyone thinks it sucks.  A lot of people absolutely LOVE it.  And I did have a lot of moments when I held my sweet little guy, feeding him with the nourishment that I produced, that MY body made for him, and was mystified by that bond and how incredible this experience actually is.  It's pretty amazing when you think about it. But that was only hit or miss in the comfort of my home.

There's still mixed feelings out there on the subject of nursing in public, and I like to respect the fact that it does make some people uncomfortable, so I'd either try to do it in private or I'd cover up (unless we're friends or relatives, in which case get over it :-)).  So that meant when my baby was hungry, I was either sitting all alone with him in an out-of-sight area feeling completely secluded and anti-social, or I'd be covered up and he's hot and uncomfortable and can't eat steadily and ends up causing me discomfort and then he's crabby and then I'm crabby and it just goes downhill from there.  Can't really win.

Then there's my husband, who meant well, but seemed to think that any time Harlee or Elliot was cranky or fussy that I should "give him some boob" (yeah that's the kind of crude language we use, don't judge! :-)).  Which means I'm expected to stop what I'm doing to see if that's what he really does want, and then I'm enslaved to the couch or wherever I happen to land with him.  And I feed on demand, I feel that's best when they're that little, I don't really believe you can "schedule" a baby with something like this.  But that makes things unpredictable.  Sometimes he eats all the time.  Sometimes not.  Do I have time to start laundry or dishes without getting interrupted? Can I have my friends over to work out without having to stop to take a nurse break? Can we go out to eat as a family and I can actually sit and enjoy a meal from beginning to end without at some point having a baby attached to me?

"Oh but it's such a beautiful bonding experience," they say.  "They're so precious, and what a miracle to be able to feed your baby with your own body, what amazing creatures we are!" they say.

Yeah yeah, I just said that a few paragraphs ago.  And yes, I would usually agree with that.  Like going to bed at night and all is quiet and he really is just so precious and we are bonding.  Or when I don't have things to do that I don't want interrupted. Or we're not out in public and I'm not distracted with the thought of "am I offending anyone?"

Once Harlee was on solids, I went down to only nursing him at home - at naptime, right before bed, if he'd wake up in the middle of the night, and first thing in the morning.  It was great, but there were moments when it was more of a nuisance.  And sure, I hear all the statistics of how we're supposed to nurse our babies until at least two, but I'm sorry, there ain't no way :-|.

I know I may risk getting judged for saying that, and I understand because I honestly used to judge people who wouldn't even TRY breastfeeding - I mean I know it's hard but it's sooooo good for your child.  But then a friend of mine voluntarily quit breastfeeding her daughter between 3-5 months (I can't quite remember the actual age).  She was stressed out with pumping at work, trying to balance it with her schedule, and maxed out.  It changed my outlook.  She shouldn't be expected to just suck it up because she's doing what's best for her child - no, in fact, finding ways to reduce stress in her life was what was best for her child, and if it meant breastfeeding had to go, then maybe it was better for her daughter to be on formula than stressed-out breastmilk.  I felt she was doing the right thing.  And I looked at the situation with a more open mind from there on out.

I'd still find myself placing a little judgement on people who didn't even try though.  Until I talked to a few more people and learned that they were just looking ahead realistically - it just wouldn't fit in their work schedule and made more sense if they just didn't even start, rather than risk stressing themselves out over it by trying to make it work.  I believe it's important for babies to have moms with as little stress as they can manage, and being a mom is so stressful it's ridiculous anyway (in my opinion), so I support moms when they recognize stress factors and do what they can to eliminate them.

And now, since being more of a working mom with Elliot than I was with Harlee, I totally saw breastfeeding as being a stressor more so than a joy.

Why didn't I stay at home more, since I have the liberty of making my own schedule?  Because I love my job and wanted to be there.  Being at home too much makes me crazy, which takes us back to the topic of stressed-out moms.  I took two months off after having Elliot.  I was definitely feeling a bit crazed by the end of it.  I wanted to be back in my own familiar environment, doing what I love, and feeling more connected to ME, which happens to be at work.  Some women are cut out to stay at home with their kids, and have the patience for it.  I am not one of those women.

Breastfeeding made me feel confined.  It made me feel stifled.  I don't do well in those kinds of situations.  

Drawing to a Close

I'm proud that I did it.  And I'm grateful that I could do it.  But I was also glad to be done, both times.  Harlee officially stopped nursing at 18 months, and I was glad to be done.  He conveniently started sleeping straight through the night at that point too... interestingly enough...  Elliot actually seemed to prefer solid food over breastmilk, and around 10 months old he started refusing bottles or cups of it when he was with babysitters.  I nursed him inconsistently until he was a year old, then went down to just naptime, bedtime, middle of the night, and upon waking in the morning.  Soon naptime phased out, then a couple of times when I was out late for whatever reason and Justin put him to bed, the bedtime feeding phased out.  He's now 15 months old and I'm no longer nursing him at all, and he's actually sleeping through the night now in his own bed.

The first two nights in a row of this, I started getting slightly engorged, as my body was still used to producing enough to feed him every night.  I was almost tempted to nurse him one last time, as the realization set in that this is it.  I'm done.  I'll never nurse a baby again.  I'll never cradle him in my arms and feed him the nourishment that I made myself, to help him grow, or to comfort him if he's upset.  He's a big boy now.

This was a slightly bittersweet feeling...  As I guess all ends of chapters are.  But definitely more sweet than bitter.  I didn't nurse him one last time.  I like that the relationship ended without me knowing it.  I rubbed the peppermint oil on, and moved forward.

Enjoying his "special" chocolate milk

I do have a lot of expressed milk stored up, which I give him occasionally mixed with almond milk and sometimes a little Barlean's Greens Chocolate Silk (he really doesn't like it plain, trust me, he gets really mad and makes horrible faces), so he's still getting something, but I'm free of the "shackles" that I felt breastfeeding was more often than not.   My stress levels are lower, I feel more like myself, more "normal", which makes me a happier person, and that, in my opinion, is what's most important for my kids.  I have no problem with breastfeeding for as long as you want.  I do have a problem with moms judging other moms about it.  And I do encourage moms to do what makes them the happiest, because that, ultimately, is what's best for their children.  This is how I personally feel about it, and I just wanted to be honest with you, and let you know it's okay to feel however it is you feel about it.  Do what you need to do to make you happy, and your kids will benefit from that.  And that's what makes you a great mom.

The Other Side of Hardship, Depression, Pain, and Trauma

It seems like there is a lot of trouble in many people's lives at the moment.  Have you noticed that?  It's to the point where I kind of just want to hide from the world so as not to disrupt the balance that I actually do have in my life.  Things are just really good right now.  Solid and happy and just plain ol' good.  But sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in the whole wide world who can say that.  I'll get caught up in wondering why, and then think, "Uh oh, are we next?"  But I stop myself and remember, no, we already had our turn.  Harlee gave us the gift of pain, of turmoil, of rough waters.  And when I say "gift" I really do mean that, because once we worked through it, the pain and heartache really did turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to us.

This is something I've been wanting to write about for quite some time now.  There have been a few things holding me back though: not being able to get all my thoughts organized and my point across, fear of people thinking I'm weird, and fear of people not understanding me.  I've decided to quit caring what people think of me and just try my best to write this, because it's bound to help someone, even if it's just one person, and that's all that matters.

I've learned so much on my journey of healing after Harlee's birth.  If you don't know my back story, keep reading.  If you do, you can skip down to the next section.  Basically, I was desperately hoping for a homebirth, basically because of my natural outlook on life and desire to live that way, and also because of my fear of hospitals, and I got the exact polar opposite of that - late decels in his heartrate during labor, a trip to the hospital, and an emergency c-section.  I'll never forget the day I sat in the living room with my tiny newborn, watching my husband and midwife deflate the unused birthing pool, realizing all my hopes and dreams and everything I believed in deflated with it.

That's where everything started.  Hopes and dreams deflated and lost; questioning God and the Universe (things I once felt so confident and comfortable with); sleep deprivation with a colicky baby; PTSD from a scary, unwanted major surgery; and depression.  Cold, raw, ugly depression.  Complete with nightmares, intrusive visions, loss of motivation, loss of desire to keep moving forward, anger at loved ones, anger and disgust with myself, uncontrollable outbursts, and loss of all hope in a brighter future.  Not to mention a complete uncertainty of how to get out of this mess.

So, I started going to ICAN meetings - a support group of the International Cesarean Awareness Network which is "a nonprofit organization whose mission is to improve maternal-child health by preventing unnecessary cesareans through education, providing support for cesarean recovery, and promoting Vaginal Birth After Cesarean (VBAC)."  I met some awesome people who had been through what I'd been through and knew the defeat and loss I was feeling.  They guided me toward looking into counseling for further healing.  I began seeing a counselor who specializes in postpartum depression.  I brought Justin with me a few times because our marriage was crumbling under my intense mood swings and his inability to understand what I was going through.  I will, to this day, say that decision saved our marriage and is the reason it is as strong as it is today.  Unfortunately that counselor wasn't exactly who I needed in my life to further my personal healing, but I will say she did catapult me into taking matters into my own hands.  She said my PTSD and postpartum depression were pretty bad, and recommended that maybe I should try getting on a pharmaceutical antidepressant.  I guess she hadn't caught on that I prefer to avoid drugs, and it was medical interventions that got me in this mess in the first place, therefore getting on an antidepressant would kind of defeat the purpose for me.  So I stopped seeing her, and fortunately realized, wow, if I'm in that bad of shape, I really need to do something.  The best things for depression are diet and exercise, and a great supplement to support healthy moods is St. John's Wort.  I wrote a post about depression, click here if you'd like to read more about it as a condition and how to treat it naturally.  So I got on St. John's Wort, started watching what I was eating, and started jogging around the neighborhood with Harlee in the jogging stroller (ok so I started out walking, then kind of awkwardly trotting because I was overweight and sucked at running, then slowly worked my way into what you might consider a jog).  One thing led to another and I discovered the Paleo diet, cut out grains and bad carbs, signed up for personal training, discovered CrossFit, lost weight, felt great, and finally got my life back.  But in the midst of all that, something was still a bit off.  I didn't feel quite balanced yet, or healed from what happened with Harlee's birth.

I believe everything happens for a reason.  I believe in Divine Intervention.  I strongly questioned all of those beliefs after the turn of events with Harlee's birth, but all my questions are gone now.  In the moment I was thinking about going back to counseling because I didn't feel quite right yet, but I wasn't sure if there was a point to it or who I'd even go to, I came across a brochure for a counselor in Kirkwood and I felt a kind of pull when I read it.  I called her up, scheduled an appointment, and, let's just say my healing journey just got real.

She encouraged me to keep a journal and start writing down all of my thoughts and feelings.  That was one of the best things I did for my mental and emotional healing.  I processed my questions, and in my stillness in pondering my questions on paper, I found answers in my heart.  I started piecing things together, not just from Harlee's birth but from my whole life.  Seriously, if you need a good way to process your feelings and thoughts but can't afford or don't have time for a counselor, write it all out in a journal.  Give it a try, it's hugely cathartic.

This went on for about two years.  And then, I felt brave enough to tackle one of my biggest fears - getting pregnant again and facing the unknown of birth.  So I did, and then we miscarried.  And interestingly enough, the healing process after that was pretty smooth.  I knew it happened for a reason, and I accepted that even though I may not understand it now, I'd understand it later, and find gratitude in it.  Then we got pregnant again, and, after a very awesome and empowering pregnancy, I gave birth to Elliot at home (after a long, grueling labor).

Where I'm at Now

Now here I am, nearly 14 months after that event, and I've been happily floating through life without having to dig deeply into my soul or answer existential questions about my presence here like I had been for the past two to three years.

Instead, I've been observing.  I've seen my friends and clients and community go through traumas and losses - death of parents, of children, of friends, of colleagues.  Heart attacks, strokes, cancer, car accidents.  Separations and divorces for an array of different causes.  Losses of jobs and financial security.  Miscarriages, stillbirths.  Rapes, suicides.  Near-death experiences with long roads of recovery.  So much trauma and pain.  And more and more people are opening up about depression.  Asking me for advice on how to heal, where to go from here.

And all I can think for you, if you fit in one of the aforementioned categories, is, Wow, you are actually really lucky.  Like, you have no idea.

You are so, so lucky.  You don't see it now.  You feel the exact opposite of lucky.  The exact opposite of blessed, of fortunate, of all these things I think of you right now.  You do not see a light at the end of your long, dark, tunnel.  But I do.  I've been down that tunnel.  I've been down in that hole.  And let me tell you the light on the other side is brilliant.  It's beautiful.  And that light is exactly where life is trying to send you.

But it takes work to get to that light.  Probably the hardest work you will ever do in your life.  So much soul searching, so many questions.  But don't give up.  Keep asking questions.  Ask for help.  Be open to answers, to guidance.  You're on a journey - take it one step at a time, one day at a time.

Surrender.  You've hit rock bottom.  There's only one direction to go: up.  Surrender yourself to the Higher Power and let the answers come to you.

Maybe you'll find the perfect book or article with answers.  Maybe you'll meet someone who's got a perfect solution, maybe a new exercise buddy or someone with insight to healthy eating to help you make a lifestyle change.  Maybe you'll come across the perfect counselor or therapist.  Maybe you'll wallow in grief and self-pity until you get so sick of your own self you slap yourself out of it and get in gear to make changes.  Even if the change is something as simple as seeing your doctor to get on a medication.  I know medication isn't for me, but I see no shame in it - if you're taking action to better yourself and your situation, then that's commendable, no matter what you choose.

Stay open and aware.  Be receptive to signs guiding your way.  Think things through before making decisions.  Weigh your options and the consequences that come with your decisions on where to go next.  Be open to the love and support that comes from the people around you, but don't abuse it.  Be humble.  Be gentle.  Be aware.

If you work at this, and find your way up out of that hole, the person you are about to become is someone you never dreamed you'd be.  Someone you never knew you had in you.  The strength inside you is immense, the awareness profound.  Just wait til you get there.  It's amazing.  You're going to learn so much from this.  And if you get there, then you'll understand why I say you're lucky to have hit bottom.

But you can only get there if you are willing to work for it.

Just don't give up.

Someday this will all make sense.  Someday you will be able to look back on these hard times with forgiveness, and perhaps even gratitude.  Because it made you a better and stronger person.  A happier person, living a more fulfilling life.  And you earned it!

Today I look back on all that I went through and I can honestly say I feel grateful for the experience.  I feel like I gained so much insight from it, so much perspective on life, that I never had before.  And I feel stronger and braver, too - if something bad happens, I know that it's for a reason, and I'll get through it and be a better person because of it.  And knowing that makes the bad things seem not as bad.  I still struggle.  I still have fears.  I still have bad days.  But in the grand scheme of things, life is pretty awesome, and it's all because at one point life really really sucked, and I made the decision to heal and grow from it.

And you can do that too.

Intermittent Fasting

A great thing has happened in my life!  I saw a commercial for Dell where you can buy a laptop and get a free TV, so Justin and I decided to just go for it, let's get a new laptop.  The old one works okay-ish, it's just super slow and frustrating when I try to use it for photo editing and whatnot.  So the new laptop came, the old one moved to my office, and now during my freetime at work I can finally BLOG again!!  I'm so happy!  I've missed this so much, but at home there are things higher on my priority list than sitting at the computer typing my thoughts about healthy lifestyles.  For instance, actually living the healthy lifestyle I talk about is important.  Instilling that in my kids, teaching them about good food and natural healing, staying healthy and what to do to take care of your body when you do get sick.  I grew up with a natural healing mindset, and that's why I have a broad spectrum of knowledge on it today.  I want that same thing for my kids.

Anyway!  Gosh, so much has happened since I last blogged... We took a family vacation to Myrtle Beach, we went camping, Justin and I ran our first official 5k in two years, and in the meantime I've been really encouraging Harlee's interest in cooking, too, as my Facebook friends have probably noticed with all the "Chef Harlee" videos ^_^.  I've tried and invented new recipes, learned new bits of information, discovered new remedies, so it's hard to narrow down my list of things to share on this blog and choose just one for this post.  I figured I'd just follow up with my last post, in which I mentioned intermittent fasting.  Then I'll go from there!

Intermittent Fasting

I've been giving the intermittent fasting thing a try, and I must say I'm sold.  There is a lot of information out there to back up why it's so effective, and according to my results, I'd say it's working.  I wanted to be sure to share this information with you and tell you about my experience.  Because, guess what?  It's a super easy way to lose weight!  Who doesn't want that??  But there are more important things to it than just losing weight, which makes it even better.

Here's the article from The Paleo Mom that I shared in my last post (I may have talked about Sarah, "The Paleo Mom" before, but I'll just briefly mention that I love her articles, she takes a very unbiased, scientific approach to things, backing her work with tons of research, and she's got an impressive educational background to support it).  I'll share a few tidbits from that article in this post.

What Is It?

Intermittent fasting is a way of scheduling your eating, rather than a diet.  You can still consume your normal amount of calories, just in a different time span, and you'd fast the rest of the time.  This doesn't have to be done daily, but you can.  The most beneficial amount of time to go on a fast is between 16 and 24 hours.  It takes anywhere from 6-12 hours for your body to completely deplete its glycogen, or stored sugar.  So if you eat three meals a day, your body never depletes its glycogen, and you're constantly burning that as your fuel rather than being able to switch to your body to burning fat as fuel.  Of course there are a lot of other elements to this, such as what you eat as well as when you eat (like restricting your carb and sugar intake to switch into fat burning mode).  But I'm finding that IF-ing is a super easy way to switch your body into burning fat for fuel.

For most people, the easiest way to fast is to simply skip breakfast.  For example, you finish eating dinner at 8pm, and you don't eat again until noon the next day, which would be 16 hours later (nearly twice as long as it takes you to deplete your glycogen).  If you want to go the full 24 hours, you won't eat again until 8pm the next day.  Or you can skip dinner, and stop eating after lunch at noon and start eating again at noon the next day.  You can tailor it to your lifestyle, which is one of the many nice things about IF-ing!

Now, if 16 hours is plenty to get your body to burn energy from your fat stores, why would you go a full 24 hours?  Well, there are a ton more benefits than just weight loss and fat burning.

How Does it Work?

Let's get all sciency!  What's going on in the body when we eat?  So as I already explained, it can take 6-12 hours for your body to metabolize your glycogen stores and burn it up before it can start burning fat.  So your body will burn energy from your blood stream - aka the food you just ate - before it'll burn your fat.  If you ate a lot of carbs/sugar, it'll burn that up first.  That's why it's hard to lose weight if you consume a lot of carbs/sugar.  And if you keep replenishing your glycogen by eating frequently, it's harder for your body to burn your fat as fuel.

However, if you're fasting, your body doesn't have any food to burn energy from, so it automatically burns from your fat stores.  Yay!

If you want to look at this on a cellular level, you'll see a process called "autophagy", which is when a starving cell breaks down its own components (including damaged elements of the cell) to fuel more important cell processes.  Autophagy has many benefits such as destroying viruses and bacteria, or helping the cell identify a viral infection, or even preventing cells from becoming cancerous!  I think I like that even better then the weight loss!

More Benefits  

Now that you know how it works on a basic level and a scientific level, let's list some of the benefits of intermittent fasting (copied from the Paleo Mom article):

1. Increase lifespan. 
2. Increase insulin sensitivity, which can result in an increase in insulin signaling in the brain which is thought to be how fasting/calorie restriction works to increase lifespan.
3. Lower blood lipids, triglycerides and other markers of metabolic syndrome.
4. Fight/prevent cancer.  There is also some evidence that fasting before chemotherapy treatments can help reduce the negative side effects. 
5. Increase growth hormone secretion (which builds muscle and burns fat).
6. Normalize expression of the hunger hormone ghrelin, thereby reducing appetite.
7. Promote brain and peripheral nervous system health which can result in boosting the mood, memory, and mental clarity.
8. Increase dopamine production, meaning we get more enjoyment from less food. 
9. Increase energy through regulating metabolic hormones.

And one of my favorites: Intermittent Fasting is a little like hitting a reset button.  It can help curb sugar cravings, restore energy, and even promote deeper sleep.

Guess what?  I've experienced a lot of these benefits.  My hunger and appetite have been curbed and I'm less interested in food, I've been sleeping amazingly well and I feel so refreshed in the morning, I'm less and less interested in sweets the more I try fasting, and I've been feeling overall GOOD.  Plus, I've been losing weight without losing strength.

Another thing I like about it is that it's an easy way to restrict calories in a day.  Calorie restriction has been proven to have TONS of benefits, but it's next to impossible to stick with as hunger is a basic human function that's hard to override, when you cut your meals down to smaller sizes, that'll probably drive most of you crazy.  With intermittent fasting, you eat normal-sized meals, but in smaller windows of time (such as skipping breakfast as mentioned above). Here's a little more information about all that.

Why It Makes Sense to Me

Since discovering Paleo, I feel like I've compared everything to "the caveman days".  Not that I know exactly what those days were like - for instance they probably ate bugs, and I'm not real keen on that idea, and they very well could have eaten grains, which the modern Paleo diet says they didn't.  Another example is that if I were a cavewoman, and I found a peanut, I'd eat the peanut.  Modern Paleo is against peanuts.  There's a lot of gray area, and I just kind of hang out in that gray area rather than go full-blown strict with it.  But there are a lot of elements that make sense, like eating what's available to us through nature, because that's what our bodies were designed to consume from day one.  That, to me, is the focal point of Paleo.  Intermittent fasting fits very will with the Paleo lifestyle, because I'm sure our primal ancestors didn't schedule specific mealtimes and eat around the clock.  They ate depending on what was available to them, and that may have meant going without eating for spans of time depending on the success of their hunt or what they gathered or foraged.  Our bodies would have had to be able to still function in a fasting state - we'd have been in big trouble if it was necessary to our health to eat constantly throughout the day.

Where I'm At on my IF Journey

So far, I've loved my experience with IF-ing.  It took a little bit of growth and self-awareness to get to a good place with it, though.  One of my pain issues has been junk food.  I have definitely noticed that I don't crave sweets nearly as much, if at all, when I'm fasting, but that craving isn't gone permanently.  During my research to learn more about the health benefits of IF, I came across this article, which was full of good information but also a bad statement:

It’s with an intermittent fasting protocol that I feel you really can have your cake and eat it too. You need to be strict with the timing aspect, but besides that I’ve found you can eat a lot more of the foods you love but “should” abstain from on a daily basis.

Yes. Daily. (I’m not saying you should go and eat McDonalds every day, but treats can certainly be included).

I latched onto that and started using IF as a crutch.  I'm human, and I'm not going to hold back the negative details from you!  I started learning about IF around spring/early summer.  We had lots of picnics and parties and holidays and therefore lots of bad food.  I got excited when I read the article I just mentioned because it basically said it was okay to eat that stuff, I'd just have to fast before or after doing it to deflect the negative consequences.

It took a few times of feeling like absolute crap after eating junk (tired, fatigued, run-down, foggy brain, etc.), regardless of the fasting, to remember that I'm on a health journey here.  I'm in this for the long haul.  I want to keep my body healthy, and not only look good but feel good.  Paleo has become a lifestyle for me, and I want to keep it that way.  I think it's okay to indulge on treats every great once in awhile, but not make it a habit, and definitely not make excuses for it by fasting around it.

So now, at this point in my journey, I'm being careful with it.  Yes, if we wind up going out and I overindulge on not-so-healthy food, I will fast afterward to help my body along.  But I'm careful with my mindset - it's not an excuse to eat junk, and I'm not going to make a habit of it.  However I am human, and sometimes I just want to taste junk food.  Otherwise, I fast when it's convenient.  I don't do it daily, but usually 2-3 times a week.  Sometimes I'm rushed in the morning and it's just easier if I don't have to think about my own breakfast, then I wind up waiting until lunch to eat.  I've been continuing to lose weight, inches, and body fat, so whatever I'm doing is working for me.

Is This For You?

Intermittent fasting is not for everyone!  If you have a health concern, like diabetes or hypertension or whatnot, you should probably talk with a health care professional first (preferably someone with an open, holistic mindset!).  Especially if you have a blood sugar-related disease, IF-ing isn't for you.  Of course if you're pregnant or nursing, you should hold off on trying it as well.  Also, if you're happy with where you're at in life, your current diet and exercise plan is working great for you, and your body and health is right where you want it, then you probably don't need to mess with IF.  Though according to the research, a good 24-hour fast a few times a year may not be a bad idea!

Also, I came across a couple articles about how IF-ing may not be the best thing for women.  I haven't found any issues while trying it, but it's worth mentioning too.

Here's a very good article about possible health concerns regarding women and IF-ing:  http://paleoforwomen.com/shattering-the-myth-of-fasting-for-women-a-review-of-female-specific-responses-to-fasting-in-the-literature/

And here's a very interesting story about one woman's demise with IF-ing: http://civilizedcavemancooking.com/reviews/how-intermittent-fasting-saved-mewhile-slowly-killing-me/

I'm sharing that with you because it's not a perfect approach.  Yes, it can be "too good to be true", especially if used incorrectly.  I could have wound up where Kaleigh, the author of the last article I just shared, wound up.  Luckily I had a wake-up call before it got out of control.

Be Smart

Don't obsess over it.  LISTEN TO YOUR BODY.  That's the number one important thing!  Nourish your body with healthy foods found in nature, not processed junk from factories.  Fasting can have wonderful health benefits, if you're doing it with the right intentions and the right goals.

I'm going to stick with this IF lifestyle, I'm really liking it!  Especially now that I feel that I'm doing it for the right reason - to obtain the health benefits from it, not six-pack abs.  I'm not fasting every day, but rather at the most convenient times throughout the week, between 1-3 times a week for 16 hours at a time, or a full 24 hours if I really feel I need a recharge (but that's only maybe once a month).  I break fast with clean, Paleo or mostly-Paleo foods, I don't binge on gigantic platefuls of food when I break fast, and I stick with clean foods throughout the days between fasting.  I try to focus on eating when I'm hungry, and stopping when I'm full.  Plain and simple.  And IF has actually helped with my stress levels too, as when I fast it usually involves skipping breakfast, which allows me more time in the morning to get the boys' breakfasts made and while they're eating I can prepare lunches for the day or get caught up on some cleaning or whatever - who doesn't like extra free time in the morning??

So I'm happy with where I am right now.  If you decide to try it, let me know what you experience!  But most of all BE SMART and BE SAFE about it.  Obsessing over it or using it as an excuse to eat poorly can ruin everything.  Make your health your priority, and find what works for you!

For more information about IF, check out this article on NerdFitnes.com, it's a good one!

The Family Mealtime Illusion and Honey Lemon Chicken and Shrimp Pasta

So I talked about emotional eating in a somewhat-recent past post.  There's another component to emotional eating that just dawned on me after that Ive been exploring and want to talk about here.

It's the cultural ideas planted in our heads about food.  I, like a lot of people I'm sure, was raised with family meal time every night.  Mom had dinner done at a certain time, and we all sat down at the dinner table as a family and ate.  It's supposed to be family bonding time, and I've even read studies that show that kids who are raised with family meal time actually do better in school and stay out of trouble in their teenage years.  Why?  Because that's the one time in the day the family gets to sit down together as a whole and talk to each other.  Make the kids feel important, make them feel like mom and dad are interested in them and want to know how their day went and anything like that.  It makes sense!  And I and my siblings all stayed out of trouble, so maybe there's something to that...  So ever since Harlee started eating meals I felt eager to establish a specific dinner time that we all sat down together and form the habit of discussing our day and making everyone feel important and loved.

And I was met with great frustration.  If Justin wasn't working late or on night shift, he'd be out mowing, or working on something outside and not ready to drop everything and come in yet.  And I'd get aggravated because it's family time!  You can't shirk family time!  Come on!  And if he did come in to eat, he'd rush through it so he could get back out to finish what he was doing.  I know my mom has experienced this aggravation too, as I've seen it, and I think there are probably quite a few families that deal with the same thing.  Or if it's not that exact same scenario, I know there are quite a few families that do feel bad about their lifestyles being too busy to even allow for a family meal time to happen at all.

I was about to give up on family meal time but it made me sad to think about having to do that.  That's supposed to be family time.  What's going to happen when the kids are in school and they don't have this consistent routine of family time to come back to?

I quit dwelling on it for awhile.  But it nagged me in the back of my mind.  

Meanwhile, I read an article about Intermittent Fasting.  I had heard of it, and I heard great things about it too, but never really gave it much thought until I read that article.  Wow!  It basically says it's like hitting the reset button for your body because it allows the chance for your cells to pull nutrients from your body rather than your food, and it causes your cells to be able to discard all the old junk that doesn't work anymore and rebuild itself.  This could potentially rid your body of the start of illnesses and diseases!  There's more to it than that - I encourage you to read that article, it's good!  I'm currently working on my own article about it, so stay tuned.  So anyway I decided I'd give it a try.  I forgot to bring my lunch with me to work one day, and it was a day Harlee had karate in the evening, so I figured it was a good time to try it.  I ate breakfast that morning, and wouldn't eat again until the next morning.  Of course I felt hungry.  At times I almost felt dizzy.  But it wasn't debilitating.  And actually, that evening Justin and I hoed the garden together while Harlee helped pull weeds and I exerted a lot of energy, but I didn't feel like I was going to pass out.  I slept AMAZING that night.  I got the best sleep I'd gotten in a long time!  And I woke up feeling great too - I was in a good mood and I didn't feel like I was starving.  I made a bacon and veggie omelet as my break-fast meal and it tasted amazing, and I went back to eating normal the rest of the day.  I drank a TON of water while I fasted - I couldn't seem to get enough!

Then I had a client who asked me how the fasting went, and I told my story and we got to talking about food.  This client sees food as fuel, they eat to keep their bodies going, and they only eat real food, not processed junk.  I asked about their family mealtime and the answer was that they didn't really have a regular family mealtime.  Sometimes they'd sit down together, but they'd all eat different (healthy) things, sometimes they'd eat separately whenever they were hungry.  Yet from what I know of their family, it doesn't seem like it's causing the kids to suffer...

I thought about my family.  How nice it was to not have to think about dinner that night I was fasting.  And I realized, didn't we have quality family time in the garden that night? All working together to weed it?  That was nice, and it was family bonding time that didn't revolve around food.  Maybe it's best if family time didn't revolve around food... Maybe that's the key to helping my kids form healthy eating habits.  To eat when they're hungry, not necessarily at a designated time.

But what about cooking? Cooking meals that look and taste good but are also healthy and nutritious is fun for me - it's a form of art, a creative outlet.  Would this mean having to give that up?

Well, that issue resolved itself too.  My dad came over to help Justin put up railing on our retaining wall and they were busy working on it from morning and into the afternoon.  Justin and I had plans that evening, so if we were going to have a family meal, it would have to be lunch.  This time, however, I didn't worry about a family meal.  I had the chance to cook and try a new recipe, plus I was feeling hungry, so I set to it and made an amazing pasta dish with zucchini noodles I had in the fridge.  I served up a plate, sat outside with some lemonade, cut up some chicken for Elliot and sat him next to me, and we watched my dad and Justin work.  I thoroughly enjoyed that lunch - the recipe turned out amazing, and I didn't have to feel aggravated that we didn't get to sit down as a family, knowing it's just food, and we can have family time in plenty of other ways.

It was a very freeing experience.  And since then, I havent worried about sitting down to eat as a family.  We have family time in the garden, or in the car on the way to karate (which, by the way, I pack a lunchbox for Halree so we don't wind up at a drive-through), or reading stories before bed.  It doesn't have to revolve around food!

And let me tell you, that's helped even more with breaking my emotional eating problem.  Food is fuel and medicine.  Not a social crutch or an emotional stimulant or something to fill a void in your heart or something to do when you're bored.  Find ways to replace food in those situations.  There are plenty of options! 

So, now that I've shared that story, let me share that amazing recipe I just talked about.  It was SO good. It's based on this honey lemon chicken recipe I found on Pinterest, but with my own twist.  I served it up with some peach mango lemonade.  Holy cow it was good.  So here's my recipe!

Honey Lemon Chicken and Shrimp Pasta

Sauce

1/2 cup honey
1/4 cup lemon juice
2 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp red wine vinegar
1 tbsp lemon zest
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
leaves from 2 or 3 sprigs of thyme (I used a variety called lemon thyme that I have growing on my porch)

Chicken and Shrimp

1 tbsp olive oil or coconut oil
Juice from one lemon
Fresh cracked black pepper, to taste
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into small cubes
12oz peeled cooked shrimp
3 small-medium zucchinis, spiralized

Combine the ingredients for the sauce in a bowl or measuring cup and set aside.

In a large skillet, add the olive oil, chicken, lemon juice, and black pepper and cook over medium-high heat until chicken is almost cooked through (but not totally).
Turn heat to medium-low, add the shrimp, and slowly add the sauce.  Stir to combine, and let it bubble at a low boil until the sauce has thickened and the chicken is cooked through.
At this point I transferred everything to a large pot and added the noodles and stirred over medium-low heat until combined and the noodles were just soft enough to my liking (be careful not to over-cook or they'll turn to mush!)

Serve and top with a little lemon zest, freshly cracked black pepper, and enjoy!

This was crazy good.  I enjoyed it with some peach mango lemonade, which is super easy to make.

Fruit Lemonade

I cheat and use the powdered lemonade. Do not use sugar-free, that stuff is poison.  Use real sugar.  I measure out enough for a gallon.  But you can make real lemonade, I've done that before too when I have the time to spare.
Then I take half of a 12oz bag of frozen fruit (I've used raspberries, blueberries, mixed berries, and this time I used a peach mango medley), put it in a cup with hot water, and blend it with my immersion blender (or you can use a regular blender), and pour it into the pitcher with the lemonade powder.  Fill it the rest of the way to make a gallon, stir to combine, and enjoy!

This is SO easy and SO good, and such a simple way to add a little extra nutrition to your lemonade!

Love Thy Neighbor

So many people are not following the Bible's words, and it's so sad.

I mean, the main one that's in the forefront right now is Leviticus 20:13, "If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death; their blood is upon them."

But now gay marriage is accepted in our country.  Just terrible, isn't it?

And what about Levitucus 25:44, "Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves."

But slavery was abolished quite some time ago, and now even the Confederate flag is no longer acceptable in most places!  What is wrong with people?

Or Deuteronomy 22:9, " Do not plant two kinds of seed in your vineyard; if you do, not only the crops you plant but also the fruit of the vineyard will be defiled."

See??  This non-GMO movement has some good ground to stand on, it's in the Bible not to cross-pollinate!

How about Leviticus 11:12, "Everything in the waters that has not fins and scales is detestable to you."

Wait... I do like shrimp... a lot of people like shrimp... and clams and oysters and mussels and scallops and...

Or Deuteronomy 22:5, "A woman must not wear men’s clothing, nor a man wear women’s clothing, for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this."

Dangit, I don't like wearing dresses... Well, formal events, parties, and nice social outings are okay and it's fun to get dressed up, but otherwise, not so much.  Skirts especially, I hate wearing skirts... I prefer pants and shorts... But these are men's clothes!  Crap.

On the topic of clothes, Deuteronomy 22:11 says "Do not wear clothes of wool and linen woven together."  Guess I need to throw out these cotton/polyester blend shorts I'm wearing... And nearly everything else in my closet.

And maybe we should give the polygamists a break?  Deuteronomy 21:15-17,  "If a man has two wives, and he loves one but not the other, and both bear him sons but the firstborn is the son of the wife he does not love, / when he wills his property to his sons, he must not give the rights of the firstborn to the son of the wife he loves in preference to his actual firstborn, the son of the wife he does not love. /  He must acknowledge the son of his unloved wife as the firstborn by giving him a double share of all he has. That son is the first sign of his father’s strength. The right of the firstborn belongs to him.

If Justin ever decides to take on his second wife and have kids, at least we know how the inheritance is divided.

Alright, that's enough for now.  But I could go on.

Most of you know I'm not religious.  This is partially why.  The Bible has thousands of verses in it, and only a select few are focused on.  It seems like religious authorities, or just religious followers in general, will pick which verses to zero in on to defend their personal beliefs.  But what about all the other crazy verses and teachings in it?

I look at the Bible as a set of guidelines, but otherwise stories.  It was written thousands of years ago by MEN.  Human beings - who make mistakes, misinterpret things, and have human flaws like greed, jealousy, vengeance, malice, etc.  As a good friend of mine said, "God did not write the Bible.  Men wrote the Bible.  I could have written the Bible."

But, there are a lot of good things in it that should, in my opinion, be followed, like:

John 8:7, "So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."

If you have a problem with gay marriage (which is the topic at hand in our country), it's not your place to judge or condemn gays.  Besides, you probably eat shellfish.

Matthew 22:39, "And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."

Ya know, I don't get homosexuality.  I really don't.  I've always liked men, I've always been attracted to men, I can appreciate attractiveness in women but I've never wanted to pursue a relationship with one.  Does that mean I hate homosexuality?  Or dislike anyone who is?  No.  I don't really like animals.  I don't have a desire to have pets at my house.  Does that make me dislike people who do keep pets at their house?  Or better yet, if you're an animal lover, do you dislike me because I'm not?  Stop judging people.  People having relationships with other people and showing mutual love and care and affection for each other, regardless of sexual orientation, are not hurting anyone, and are no more "sinners" than the rest of us out here eating shellfish.
 
One more before I sign off:

Matthew 9:17, "Neither do [men] put new wine into old wine-skins: else the skins burst, and the wine is spilled, and the skins perish: but they put new wine into fresh wine-skins, and both are preserved."

Change is okay.  Change is good.  The new wine, or ways of the world, as times change, are not going to work with old wine-skins, aka old mindsets.  We need a fresh mindset, a fresh outlook, so we can move forward into bigger and better.

Just sayin'.

Emotional Eating

Hello strangers!  I think about my blog quite often... and I've just accepted the fact that there aren't enough hours in the day to get around to it.  But that's okay because it's SUMMER!  My favorite season!  It's the opposite of COLD (I strongly dislike the cold), and there's so much to DO! But I can talk about that later.  If I have time...

I actually have something specific to talk about today.  Food.  Okay, I know I always talk about food, but I want to talk about the emotional component of food this time.  Actually there are a lot of components.  And I'm certainly not a psychologist, but I've experienced emotional eating first-hand.  I'm still guilty of it!  I think we all are, right?  It's when we eat to fill our hearts, not our stomachs.  Or when we eat because we're bored and it's a habit.  Or because we're addicted to something (usually sugar) and it tastes soooo gooood that we can't just stop at one.

Harlee loves Big Hero 6, so I felt this shot worked well for this post!

Food is fuel, and food is medicine.  I've discussed this before, and finally more and more people are becoming aware of how important a healthy diet is to true wellness.  But so many people use food as a crutch or a comfort measure, and that's where it gets a bit unhealthy.  Comfort food is different for everyone - it can be a warm, buttery bread roll, a slice of pizza, a fast food cheeseburger, a piece of cake, or, if you're like me, a chocolate candy bar.  For a lot of people, it takes a lot of work to consciously avoid these comfort foods.  If we're unhappy or stressed or even simply bored, it's even harder. And for most people, it's not a bad habit - it's an addiction.  And you need to treat it, and beat it, like an addiction.  I'll elaborate on that topic in a future post.

I was addicted to chocolate and junk food starting with Halloween last year and all the way into Easter this year. I totally fell off the Paleo wagon and could not get back on.  Junk food was engrained in my brain!  I started personal training, hoping that would motivate me to make changes, but I still could not stop thinking about chocolate.  I felt like my exercising was going to waste.  I was sabotaging my own progress.

What helped me was realizing I should stop being so hard on myself.  So instead of beating myself up for ruining my progress toward a healthy lifestyle whenever I ate too much chocolate, I'd say to myself, "That tasted good, I enjoyed it, and that was enough.  I'm done, and my clean eating starts NOW."  I'd remember I'm human, I make mistakes just like all humans, and that's okay.  Mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow.  I'll learn from this, and move on.

And with that mindset it became easier and easier each day to say no.  I cut out gluten completely, which was starting to become an addiction too when we'd go out to eat.  When I cracked down on that, I was starting to feel a LOT better. I was happier, my mind was clearer, I had more energy through the day, things didn't stress me out so much, my workouts were going better, and my cravings were becoming more for healthy foods rather than junk food, and I finally got off my weight loss plateau and started losing again!

Then, after the few experiences I had with eating dairy and it flaring up my pollen allergies, which I wrote about in my last post, I cut that out too.  That's when it finally clicked for me - it's not worth it to enjoy the flavor of food only to feel like crap for days after eating it.  And that was the breakthrough I needed to stick to eating healthy on a regular basis.

Take the time to recognize your eating habits.  Are you really hungry?  Or are you just giving yourself something to do?  Or are you upset about something and since that cupcake tastes so good maybe it'll make you feel good too?  Think about the consequences.  Are you going to feel like crap for eating that?  How many calories is that?  Is it worth it?

Reread my post about Motivation if you'd like a few more tips on how to break your habits and make a healthy lifestyle change.

It took awhile, but I got there.  You can get there too.  Just start by being kind and gentle with yourself.  Allow yourself time, because you need to form new habits, and break an addiction.  It takes work, self-discipline, determination, and perseverance.  And if you have a goal, whether it be to look better or to feel better, you can get there.

Hope you're all having a great summer so far!  I'm hoping to find time to blog more - I have lots of ideas.  But in the meantime, follow me on Instagram @NaturallyJami or Like me on Facebook to see what I'm up to!

A Day in the Life of Jami: Easter, Turkey Hunting, Paleo Fajitas, and Arnica

Got a few random topics today!  NOT going to talk about essential oils though.  I'll save that for a different time.  So whoever is reading this that reported me, you don't have anything to worry about this time ^_^.

Sorry.  The full moon is still having effects on me - still feeling a bit snarky.

I hope you all had a great Easter weekend!  We sure did, the boys (well, Harlee anyway) had fun hunting eggs and getting goodies from the Easter bunny, and we all had a great time with family over the weekend.

Today was the first day of turkey season, and my ONLY day to get to go.  Justin had made arrangements with our good friend Clay for me to go hunting at his place (what a good husband), so bright (well, dark actually) and early in the morning my mother-in-law came over to sit with our sleeping boys while we suited up in our camo and headed out to the blind.  I kept in mind my lesson learned from the last time I had gone turkey hunting, which was to just let go and let it be, because things always work out the best that way.  I went into this with no expectations except for to have a good time with my husband and close friend.  It worked out in my favor!  We had an amazing experience, turkeys were gobbling all over the place all around us, Justin and Clay took turns calling them, and we got to see six jakes (young male turkeys) wander through our hunting area towards the decoys.  Two came out first, and I took a shot at the first one (the bigger one) and knocked him to the ground instantly!  Very exciting!  Finally, after 6 years of turkey hunting with Justin, I got one!

Me being goofy with Justin, Clay, and my first turkey!

I've adapted that attitude in a lot of things in life.  Just surrender to what's going on around you and let it be.  Of course I'm not perfect at it, and I forget that lesson sometimes and let stress get to me, and usually that's when things tense up and don't go as smoothly as I'd like, but for the most part I do try to remember to just relax into my environment and let life happen the way it's meant to.  It's amazing how things just work out, and even if things don't go the way I would have preferred, I always find out soon enough that they worked out the best.

There are things that require a bit of our control, though.  For me, that's food.  Good golly I have fallen completely off the healthy train again.  In fact, I've fallen off the healthy train and tied myself to the tracks.  I feel like crap, my system is backed up, I'm sluggish, and my allergies are really starting to kick in despite supplements I've been taking to ward them off.  I've sent my system into inflammatory overdrive, and it is not good!  I miss Paleo.  I miss how good I felt, how good I looked, and how good everything tasted.  Easter weekend was so bad to me.  So many carbs in our meals, so much wine, and so many jelly beans, gummy bears, chocolate eggs, peeps, etc., etc.  Ugh I feel like my blood sugar is spiking just thinking about it!  Just feeling like this makes me feel motivated to change.  I'm off to a good start, too, and thought I'd blog about my lunch as a reminder to everyone else that it's really not hard to throw a tasty, healthy meal together.

For breakfast I had bacon and eggs.  I always have bacon and eggs, though, so nothing exciting there.  It's quick and easy for me, it's low carb and high protein, and tastes good.  Lunch, I was just going to cut up some pork steaks I had in the fridge and throw them in the skillet with some veggies and eat them plain and boring like that.  By the way, Justin and I were both home and I have to work tonight so lunch became our main meal - this would normally be something I'd throw together for dinner.  Anyway.  I started out that way, then threw in some orange bell pepper and onion slices.  Which made me think of fajitas.  That sounded good!  I threw in some chili powder, paprika, garlic powder, and cumin to the meat and veggies, and then I whipped up some paleo tortillas while those were frying.  And by whipped up, I mean whipped up.  I can't believe I haven't posted these yet!  It's high time I do that!  These tortillas are sooooo good - the best paleo version of a tortilla I've had yet.  I'm not really sure where the original recipe came from, but it was passed along to me from my mom's friend Sandy, and I'm so grateful for it!  It's much easier than my flaxseed tortillas, and they're much softer and tastier than those too.

Here's the recipe:

Paleo Tortillas

1/2 cup almond flour
1/2 cup arrowroot powder
2 eggs
1/4 cup water
dash of salt (and any other spices you might feel like flavoring it with)

Whisk all ingredients into a batter and pour or spoon a bit into a hot skillet, and use the back of your spoon to help spread it to about an 1/8 inch thin circle.  You can use a little coconut oil depending on how non-stick your pan is, but I fry in cast iron so I don't put anything on it.  Once it's hardened up enough to slide your spatula under it, flip it over and cook it for a few more seconds, then transfer to a plate to cool.  Finish up the rest of the batter this way, and voila!  Tortillas!

These work great as crepes for fruit or wraps for sandwich ingredients, or in our case with lunch today, tortillas for fajitas or tacos.

Then I remembered I had a couple avocados, and they were ripe and ready to go!  So I sliced them open, scooped the meat into a bowl, and made up some quick guacamole with what I had on hand:

Quick Guacamole

2 avocados, peeled and pitted
1/4 white or yellow onion, chopped
1/2 tomato, chopped
juice from half a lime
salt, pepper, and garlic powder to taste

Smoosh all the ingredients together and voila! Tasty guacamole!

It turned into a perfect addition to my fajitas, adding just the creaminess sour cream usually does and the flavor salsa usually has.  I was quite pleased with the turnout, the flavor of everything put together was fantastic!  On top of that, I had a delicious lunch put together in under 30 minutes, with all the ingredients made from scratch!  Although I probably should have made a double batch of tortillas to keep in the fridge for another time, but oh well.

I think this lunch really helped motivate me - reminding me of how easy paleo actually is, how good it tastes, and how good I feel (I got up 3 hours before I usually do and I still feel great - not sluggish or heavy or anything like I have been this weekend with all the junk I ate).  To stick with the ease of it all, I think I'm just going to keep stir-frying meat and veggies.  I think I forgot what a quick and easy go-to stir frying actually is, and this recipe today was a great reminder.

One more thing before I go - the gun I used this morning had quite a kick!  Of course in the moment I didn't even notice it - I was so focused on shooting that bird that the gun fire actually startled me after I pulled the trigger, almost like I wasn't expecting it!  That's how in the zone I was for that shot!  But after I stood up, I noticed my sternum was pretty achy, and so was my back in a similar spot.  I'm pretty sure I knocked a rib out of place.  I'm not sure when I'll be able to see my chiropractor, so in the meantime I'm taking homeopathic Arnica, which is great for injuries!  Not sure if it'll help my body realign itself, but I will say I'm feeling a bit better since I've taken a couple doses!  I love homeopathy!

Well, that's my story!  I'll try to check back in soon, but with a family and a business - you know how that goes :).