Taking Responsibility

So I'm sitting here on the couch watching Harlee squirm and stretch from the inside, daydreaming about the day he'll be doing that on the outside, wondering what he'll look like and sound like and feel like in my arms...  I can't believe the due date is only 7 weeks away!!  And he could even arrive sooner than that!  I've read statistics that pregnant women who take Juice Plus throughout their pregnancy as their prenatal "vitamins" usually always carry their babies to term, meaning 37-40 weeks, and usually not any later.  I've been taking it regularly, and loving it too I must say - I really believe I owe my easy, healthy pregnancy to it!  I'm considering getting into selling it too, but that'll come later on... I've got way too many other things to think about!  Like the arrival of this child and the fact that 7 weeks is not a lot of time, especially considering that it could be less than that.  I also read that women who get regular chiropractic adjustments throughout pregnancy usually don't wind up carrying late either.  Well I've been going weekly since January, and I really think that's contributing to how good I feel too!  Harlee's head down and ready to go, so my fears of him being breech are at ease.  I'm also excited because I've learned that the spinal nerves that feed the uterus have the chance to be much more open and functioning at their best when the vertebrae surrounding them are in proper alignment, resulting in quicker, easier labors.  Horray!  I really hope that holds true!

I read an awesome line from Painless Childbirth by Guiditta Tornetta that I want to share:

     God would not have made you capable of bringing into this world a child if the only way to do it was through excruciating pain.  Birth is our Divine right; it is the one moment when every woman becomes one with the Creator.  Focusing on this oneness with God in any occasion will allow the sensation of pain to dissipate because there can't be pain where God is.

How beautiful is that?  It just gave me that much more confidence that yes, of course I can do this!  Anyone can do this!  We were created to do this!  And I'm honored to have the opportunity to experience it in its fullest.

Last night Justin and I did our homework for our childbirth class, Naturally Prepared, which is a class designed for parents planning an out-of-hospital birth.  I love this class because we don't focus on what drugs are available or talk about any hospital procedures, instead we get an education on the hormones that are at work in a laboring body and the muscles responding to them and different ways to work together as partners to birth our baby easily and smoothly.  I'm so blessed to have found this class.  And as I was saying, we have homework each week, which has become an excellent bonding experience for Justin and I, giving us the chance to talk about our expectations and desires and even fears (sure beats sitting in front of the TV watching the Outdoor Channel!!).  This week our homework was to watch Orgasmic Birth, a documentary on women who have transcended the element of pain in their birthing experience, and why that's possible.  You probably just read that title and said, "Oh my, what a bold title for a documentary..." or something to that effect.  Or at least that's how I responded when I first heard about it!  "Orgasmic" birth?  That might be a bit over the top!  But no, it was actually very beautifully put together, and talked about how your baby should be birthed into the world the same way he or she was created - in privacy, quiet, dimmed lights, an intimate and loving setting with just you and your partner, and only accompanied by people you feel comfortable with and trust to assist you in this journey, with no interruptions.  While watching this Justin and I felt, once again, so grateful to know that this is the exact setting we're going to be able to have for the birth of Harlee.  Specialists were interviewed and talked about how important it is to NOT have interruptions, and they shared their knowledge about the human body, and how a laboring woman needs to be left to be in her "zone" so that her body can do the work it needs to do.  She needs to be allowed to take her time, and reach her destination at her own pace.  At a hospital, you have constant interruptions, fetal monitoring, questions being asked, your cervix being checked, your vitals being monitored, and for some reason a time limit on everything - some hospitals are a little more lenient with how long a woman is in labor, but some are ready to administer drugs to speed things up after only ten hours!  That seems a bit hasty...  The movie then showed a few hospital births, one that resulted in an epidural and the other resulted in a c-section.  It was so frustrating watching these women just surrender to the doctors.  "Well, the doctor says this is what's best for my baby, and I want to do what's best for my baby."  Did she not once stop to think, wait a minute, I've carried this baby in me for nine months, certainly I'M the only who knows what's best for my baby?  Women aren't given the chance to allow their intuition to do the job it was meant to do, and by God we most certainly have an intuition!  I can't imagine where I'd be if I hadn't been tuned into mine all along...  And we ALL have it!  It's a powerful tool that's going to assist us through the rest of this child's life, why not use it from the very beginning?  That's another thing that frustrated me - we are responsible for the children we carry and raise.  I am responsible for Harlee, as he is my son.  I will see to it that he is fed healthy meals, that he gets proper exercise, that he has clothes on his back and a roof over his head, a tub to bathe in and good role models to learn from.  He is my responsibility from now until the next eighteen years of his life.  Shouldn't I take full responsibility for him in these nine months?  Of course!  I chose not to drink alcohol, I don't mess with drugs anyway but I also avoided any pharmaceutical drugs, I did my best to eat healthy and exercise, and like I said I've been seeing a chiropractor and also getting regular prenatal massages.  Everything I do reflects on him, everything I consume he consumes.  I am directly responsible for his well-being right now as he is growing inside me.  So when he is born, am I not responsible for that critical moment of his life too?  Shouldn't I continue to avoid drugs?  Shouldn't I be completely and totally tuned into my body to know what's best for him and his safe arrival?  This is not the time to relinquish my control of the situation to any "medical professionals" that think they know what's best for me or my child!  Certainly they are good to have there if a complication arises, and I hope to have someone I can trust make the right decisions if I am faced with a complication, but while everything is flowing smoothly, I will labor as long as Harlee needs to make his entrance, I will continue to choose not to put drugs in my body as I did throughout these 9 months with him because he is still part of me and will also feel the effects of those drugs, contrary to most beliefs., and I will make sure he enters into a joyful environment and remains in the safety of his parents' arms immediately after his birth and for as long as he needs to be there afterwards.  I apologize for getting on my soap box about the drug thing, that's probably a controversial subject, but from what I learned I just can't imagine numbing myself at a time when I need these sensory nerves to be functioning at their best!  It's like the doctor on Orgasmic Birth said - if you numbed your feet, and then were expected to walk, it's going to become a very difficult journey for you!  That's exactly what's going on here - you're on a journey, how are you going to reach your destination smoothly if you're numb to the experience?

One last thing.  Now that word is getting out about our decision to have an out-of-hospital birth, a lot of people are asking me and Justin the same questions - "What if something goes wrong?"  Well, if that happens, we'll be transferred to a hospital.  But odds are for us that nothing will go wrong.  Statistics show that when left to have a completely natural birth, only 10% of women have any sort of complications during it that would require a hospital's attention.  But unfortunately those other 90% of women are birthing in hospitals to begin with, where they are constantly being checked, interrupted, asked questions, and due to all of that their labor is slowed down, which then results in doctors wanting to administer drugs to speed things up, and then a vicious cycle has begun, because the drugs to speed things up make everything more painful, and therefore mom wants an epidural, and after so many drugs and so much time, the baby goes into fetal distress and then it's time for an emergency c-section.  Sadly, then, mom and dad say "Oh thank God we were at the hospital, our baby would have died if we hadn't been!" when in fact it was the hospital that created the problem in the first place.  So that being said, I firmly believe we won't have any trouble.  And if I happen to be one of the 10% of women who do wind up with some sort of complication, I will still take full responsibility for the decisions that are made for me and my baby's well-being at the hospital.  As well any mother should.

Alright, I feel good having gotten that out!  I know I can get very opinionated so hopefully nobody takes anything personally - I'm just trying to provide a bit of an education to anyone who is embarking on the beautiful journey of bringing another human life into the world.  And hopefully inspire people to embrace what their bodies are designed to do, and to do it beautifully! :)

That's right folks, our little guy will NOT be born in a hospital!

Yep, you heard me right.  Harlee Dennis Papenberg will be entering into a safe, warm, comforting environment free of drugs, strangers' hands, bright lights, or any kind of medical interventions.  The first hands to touch him will be his mom and dad's, and their skin will be the main surface he'll be in contact with for the first hours of his life outside the womb.  Nothing will be rubbed into his eyes, his heels will not be pricked, he'll be left completely in the care of his parents, and our privacy will be respected as we settle in as a family.

I am so excited I could just jump up and down... if jumping up and down were a comfortable thing to do right now!  So just pretend :)

If you've read my previous posts, you've joined me a little bit on my journey of frustration with modern medicine, doctors offices, rude nurses, and unnecessary routines.  Plus listened to, if not shared in, my frustration of being treated like a number and a medical patient rather than a woman experiencing one of the most life-changing, pivotal transformations in her existence - which happens to be a completely natural course of events rather than a medical situation.

I've questioned for awhile why babies need to be born in hospitals.  Babies who have no real issues that need to be addressed, being born to mothers who are, for the most part, healthy.  Aren't hospitals for sick people?  Or broken people?  Or dying people?  I'm not sick or broken and I'm certainly not dying...  And according to this rambunctious fetus in me, he's certainly not sick or dying either.  Hasn't birth been a natural part of, well, nature, since the dawn of humanity?  That was, like, millions of years ago!  I'm pretty sure there weren't hospitals back then... and I'm pretty sure birthing a baby now is the same as birthing a baby was millions of years ago.  Except now we know a little more about what's going on in that ever growing belly we pregnant women sport for nine months.

And since that information is available, I decided to get my hands on it.  What is going on inside of me, exactly?  And why is it all of a sudden necessary to have a baby in an environment where people normally go to get cured or fixed of some problem, when having a baby is not something that needs to be cured or fixed because it's really not a problem?  The human race made it this far, and it started millions of years ago by women birthing the next generations into existence, and doing so in caves and fields, and then after that in the comfort of their own homes.  Obviously those births worked just fine by not happening in a hospital, otherwise, well, we wouldn't be here today would we?

Thank goodness for modern medicine in a lot of cases, yes - I've seen first hand that not all pregnancies and births can be perfect, and sometimes things go wrong and women are faced with situations where having the availability of a good hospital and knowledgeable doctors is a true blessing.  But that's just when hospitals are necessary - when things go wrong.  Birth, in its true, natural form, is not wrong.  The human race's increased knowledge is also a true blessing, because unlike our ancestors who started out by having their mothers or members of their community being the only people there to assist a birth, we now have people who specialize in this truly amazing experience, who know what's going on in the human body and how to handle any minor complications that may arise, and can provide trustworthy assistance through the whole experience.  "But isn't that a doctor?" you might ask.  Sure, doctors are knowledgeable, but the problem with doctors is that most of them forget that this is a very personal , life-changing experience for the woman and the family, and they also have gotten to a point where their fear of lawsuits is greater than their desire to give the pregnant woman the personal experience she deserves and desires.  As you've read, I experienced this first-hand, and a lot of other people have in some way too, I'm sure.  My biggest problem with doctors is that the whole person is not being treated.  Just the "issue" at hand in its physical form.  The whole person includes the spirit and emotions and mentality of this person too, not just what they're physically experiencing.  And so many doctors use their scare tactics - "Oh, better get the H1N1 vaccine, women have died or lost their babies because of the flu!" or "We need to issue this test, even though you don't show any signs or symptoms of having what we're testing you for, because if you DO have it your baby could die!"  blah blah blah.  Does hearing this crap really make you feel good?  It doesn't make me feel good.  Aren't we supposed to make this a happy event, and stay positive the whole way through?  I want to, apparently I'm alone in this for some reason...

So rather than a doctor, I wanted a midwife.  As you know, I found a group practicing in Maryville.  Unfortunately they're all affiliated with Anderson Hospital and work under supervision of the OB-GYNs up there, so in essence I'm still having to go to a doctor and birth my baby in a hospital.  Only plus-side is that the midwife was the kind of person who was supportive of the natural course of events a birth takes, because it's a natural event.  But knowing that there were other people I'd have to deal with, coming in and out of the room while I'm trying to manage labor, with attitudes like the nurse had that I dealt with during the GTT incident, I wasn't satisfied.

Also, I got a bit of an education, because of another question I had.  Why is it that so many women I know went into their pregnancy and then into labor saying "I want to do this drug-free, I want the experience of a natural childbirth, I'm going to avoid the epidural!" and ultimately end up getting it, or worse, rushed into a c-section?  Why aren't they able to keep to their word?  What was the final breaking point?  What do I need to do differently so that I CAN stay true to my word and have a natural childbirth?

So this is what I learned: being in a comfortable environment makes a world of difference.  Going into labor with a positive attitude and a trust that everything is going to go well and knowing that this will pass, and when it does you will have your new bundle of joy in your arms and everything you experienced will be worth it, can really help make labor smooth.  The hormones coursing through you to create contractions are free to flow, and the process is able to continue on.  Enter any stress hormones into the picture, and they actually counteract the job the labor hormones are supposed to be doing.  These stress hormones can come from fears you may have, or doctors and nurses bustling around ruining your focus on breathing through contractions or saying things that bring about fears or discomforts, or even routine exams or fetal monitoring or anything else happening to clutter up a what should be peaceful environment.  Labor can slow to an excruciating crawl if mom doesn't feel content and at peace!  This is usually when doctors want to administer Pitocin to speed things up a bit, and where you're faced with a choice of either going back on your word of wanting to have a drug-free birth, or go ahead and take it so you can "speed things up".  Well really this just creates a lot of unnatural contractions.  Your body falls out of sync, and this isn't the greatest thing to do to your baby, either.  If your cervix isn't ready to open, these contractions are going to be very painful.  This is usually when the epidural happens.  And the epidural slows everything down.  Not to mention, these drugs ARE going into your baby's body - that placenta is still in-tact and while it's still there doing its job, anything going into mom can go into baby.  And I've been told all throughout my pregnancy to avoid drugs..... I'm still not entirely sure why they're okay at this point, but whatever.  That's just my opinion.   So now you need more Pitocin to get things speeding along again, and this is usually when you see a lot of fetal distress happening, or changes in mom's blood pressure, and things still aren't moving along fast enough, and when this happens, doctors like to suggest c-section.  And it's labeled "Failure to Progress".

So, after reading this in multiple places, I realized if I want to achieve a natural birth, I need to be content in my environment.  I know that's not going to happen in a hospital!  I don't want to deal with nurses and doctors coming in and out, and I especially don't want to have to worry about arguing with any of them if they decide to do something that I feel is unnecessary.  Besides, hospitals remind me of all the times I've been there to visit people who weren't well, and I don't want those memories associated with the ones I'm creating of my child's birth.  And on top of that, I've had enough bad experiences with doctor's that I can't say I completely trust them, and I would be nervous being in their "care" throughout my birthing experience.  This is a personal feeling, though - just a little something extra to feed my fire.

So we found a group of midwives in St. Louis that specialize in home births.  Since home births are illegal in Illinois, we'll be traveling to a birthing facility they have set up across the river for people in similar situations as me, which is equipped with all the necessary amenities anyone would need for any possible complication that could arise.

Peace of mind at last!!  These women share in all my beliefs and feelings about birth, have seen for themselves how interruptions and the hustle and bustle of hospitals can bring labors to a screeching halt, and treat me like a real person with real feelings rather than a "patient".

My favorite aspect of this whole thing:  Making the baby was an intimate, private experience, so birthing the baby should be an intimate, private experience as well.

How true.  And how beautiful, to have the privilege of experiencing it this way.  I am the only person I know at this point who can say I am truly excited to experience labor and birth.  I don't expect it to be a breeze, of course, but I am definitely ready to embrace what my body is capable of doing, and was built to do.