Modern "Medicine"

med·i·cine  (md-sn)n.1.

a. The science of diagnosing, treating, or preventing disease and other damage to the body or mind.

Just in case you were wondering.  I think the medical field needs to change its name, because nowhere does it say "treating symptoms because we're too lazy to dig deep enough to find the underlying problem".  Plus they're kind of going against the last part - "preventing ... other damage to the body or mind".  I dunno, maybe I'm the only one that hears the fast-talking voice at the end of the commercials talking about all the side-effects that sound to me like they're worse than the original problem.  Or maybe I'm the only one who can ignore the smiling happy faces of the asthmatics who can now breathe or the insomniacs who can now sleep and hear them mention all the horrible things that could also happen to you while taking this drug...  I don't get it :-(.

I'm a little upset right now.  Well, maybe a lot upset, but I don't want to make myself sound TOO crazy...  I've suppressed quite a bit of emotions about the medical field for many many years (letting out some of my angst to like-minded people, but preaching to the choir never got anyone very far so that's probably why I never feel any better).  I'm not asking anyone to agree with me, but I do want to get some gears turning in some minds at least.

I got off the phone with the doctor's office I'm seeing for all my wonderful prenatal stuff.  First of all I couldn't talk to my midwife, because according to the OB nurse I talked to they don't take personal phone calls...  WTF?  I'm seeing her for my personal pregnancy and my personal child and my personal business, so why can't she answer my personal questions?  Off to a great start.  So I asked her my question.  Is the glucose tolerance test mandatory?  I was told I'd have to take it at my next visit to screen for gestational diabetes.  Now, I'm totally not opposed to being tested for that.  I have no reason to believe I have it, but I understand the risks and complications that come along with having it so I'm open to being tested to be on the safe side.  What I am opposed to, though, is consuming a 300+ calorie substance consisting of primarily of corn syrup that I KNOW will make me sick, because I know my body and that's how it reacts to mass quantities of sugar.  Plus, I like to have control over what I consume.  If I CHOOSE to eat a blizzard from Dairy Queen, that's my choice to put that sugar in me, I know what I'm doing, and I understand I will have the jitters for several hours afterward in exchange for a few minutes of guilty pleasure.  I'm not choosing to drink this crap they "need" me to drink for the test, and I'm kinda angry that I'm stripped of my right to choose.  And on top of that the nurse was not very friendly, saying that if I have gestational diabetes and I don't do anything about it because I don't know I have it, then my baby could DIE.  Okay lady, shall I express how angry scare tactics make me too?  And she goes on to explain that requiring it of all patients at this stage in their pregnancy is a standard of care, and they refuse to do anything substandard.  To which I said good and I appreciate that, but what about honoring my requests as a mother and a patient?  What about in the future with something I feel is truly serious, like vaccinations in infancy for example (something I refuse to partake in, let the child's immune system at least have SOME fighting chance and let it grow on its own first, I say), are my requests going to be honored then?  Drinking this substance is not going to drastically harm me or my son, or at least I hope it won't, rather it'll just make me sick and possibly make him jittery to, but we're down to principle now.  I'm offended that my requests are not going to be honored, and that my feelings are not going to be taken into account.  There are other ways to test for diabetes, do a little homework and figure that out!

What annoys me too is that I'm one of very very few people who actually bother to question these things.  I might go overboard with some things, but I take comfort in knowing that my health and well-being are completely in my hands.  I do research, I do my homework, I learn things.  I will not blindly trust a person in a labcoat.  I'll take their suggestions as guidance and apply it to my personal situation.  How can you completely trust doctors?  Their knowledge comes from text books and personal case studies, but you are an individual, not a text book or the person they just saw last week.  Your needs and health and body as a whole are different from the rest of the patients they see.  And only you can know what's best for your body.  Your doctor can suggest things, knowing it worked in the past, but only you can be certain it's the best idea.  I wish more people knew how to trust their intuition.  And better yet I wish more people would educate themselves before blindly trusting or following.

This is why I got into the field I got into, massage therapy right now but in general it's wellness, as I will be expanding further with and away from massage therapy in the future.  Alternative wellness, non-invasive care, completely natural healing techniques.  And even in my practice I understand that the tight neck muscles in the person I'm treating now could be caused by things entirely different than the person with tight neck muscles I saw last week.  And I encourage my clients to guide me - if the pressure is too much, if pain is caused what kind it is, and how they feel about a technique I may be using.  I don't know because I'm not you, only you know these things.  I'm just facilitating the healing.  It's your body getting better, I'm just encouraging it to get there!

Alright I guess I feel a little better.  Again, these are my personal feelings, I don't ask anyone to agree with my choices or do what I do, I just ask that you take the extra time to learn and know what's best for your body as an individual, to trust your intuition, and to educate yourself before jumping right into following a request from your doctor or health care provider.

It's a BOY!!

This is so late, I know.  So much for starting a blog and thinking I was going to write in it like once a week.  Maybe I'll do better in the future!  I can only try...  But yes, Thursday the 24th of February we found out that little Peanut (who certainly is no "peanut" anymore!) is indeed a BOY!!  I would say we were thrilled, but of course we would have been thrilled either way.  But I guess there are different kinds of emotions that come with it either being a boy or a girl, so we just had lots of happy emotions about our little boy :).

I was so eager to get that ultrasound started, and Kelly, the nurse-midwife taking care of us for the ultrasound, was great with it, jokingly saying "So I shouldn't try to find the sex until after I've done all the measurements and everything, right?" after we came in there saying "WE WANT TO FIND OUT!!!"  She made the experience fun, and explained all the different measurements she was taking.  It was amazing all the different things you can see - she measured his brain, his heart, his blood flow and heart rate, and all kinds of other things I can't even really remember.  He was 12oz at that visit, which was a little big for being about 20 weeks along...  And the image was so clear, we could count all his fingers and toes right there on the screen!  He's a little contortionist too - his whole body was completely folded in half, with his knees up in his chest and his feet wrapped over his head.  But, after much searching, Kelly revealed this image:

That would definitely be little boy parts!  Before Kelly said anything Justin shouts, "Is that a BOY!!??"  And Kelly said, "I'd say so!  No mistaking that!"  For those of you wondering, this is a view looking right at his little butt, one leg stretched out and the other bent.  I don't think that's a finger!  Here's a little profile picture so you can see a little more than just his little boy junk :) :

We're naming him Harlee Dennis.  Here's why:  Dennis was definitely decided as the middle name, after Justin's late father, and after some thought and multiple disagreements on boy names, Justin suggested, "Let's pick something that starts with an H, so his initials would be 'HD' like Harley-Davidson!"  Oh boy, I thought, of course he wants to name the poor kid after our hobby...  And what H names are there that we like and/or haven't been used by someone we know?  Not many...  Until we both said, "Well, why not Harley?"  And it turns out we actually both liked it.  We tossed the thought around a little more, wondering if naming our kid after our pastime and our bike was really a good idea, but we really liked it and couldn't agree on anything else!  So Harley it was.  But then spelling was the next question.  I'm Jami, which is commonly spelled Jamie, and I kind of like having something different like that.  It's been frustrating at times, but all in all I really like having something a little unique about my name.  Then we got to thinking, Harlee would be kind of neat, and doesn't seem to lose its masculinity by being spelled differently, and then the light bulb went off - ending it in "lee" is perfect, because Justin's middle name is Lee!  And that was that, Harlee Dennis was decided and agreed upon :).

As for finding out the gender... I shared some thoughts in my last post and got some great comments from people on the subject, but I want to go into it a little more now that we DID find out.  I am SO GLAD we did!!!  I've been told I'm crazy, I'm ruining it, I'm spoiling the surprise, but these comments must be coming from people who haven't had the joy of experiencing it first hand.  My mom even said it's like knowing what your Christmas presents are before you get to open them.  I think now she would agree it's not quite like that :).  As one friend commented in my last post and many other friends have said and I agree, the surprise isn't just in the gender when he/she is born, it's in what the baby looks like, feels like, sounds like, even smells like!  And I know I can't even fathom what that experience will be like yet, as I haven't gotten there, but I'd say knowing the gender ahead of time will in no way ruin any surprises that await us.  Having him enter this world and then be in our arms for the very first time ever, holding him, feeling his energy, hearing his breath and his cries, that's where the surprise will lie.  Thinking of it that way, it doesn't seem like finding out the gender that day will even hold a candle to all those other elements.  Well, okay, maybe it would, but there are enough surprises going on that I don't think we're missing out :).

Also, as one of my good friends pointed out when I first got pregnant, you find out at the half-way point.  You're past the excitement of finding out you're pregnant and everyone's all buzzing and giddy with excitement for you, and you're too far from the excitement of the baby's birth, and when you're at that half-way point all the buzzing giddiness from everyone has pretty much died down, and life has returned to somewhat normal besides the anticipation of the birth date approaching, and here you are, the pregnant one, still trying to adjust to your new lifestyle - the extra weight load to carry that keeps getting bigger, the achy joints and muscles, fatigue, hormones still surging around (though not as bad as the first trimester, thank god!).  It's kind of nice to throw in an extra surprise right in the middle of all that, because I think we pregnant ladies need a bit of a pick-me-up!  I know I did!  Of course everyone's excited the whole 9 months, but having that buzzing, giddy energy back is indescribable.  And indeed, that energy picked up immediately as we told everyone our little BOY is still cookin and kickin away! ♥  It felt so good, it was so much fun!  And it wasn't days later that Justin's mom gave us the most ADORABLE little blue Harley-Davidson onesie set that included the outfit and all-matching blanket, bib, and best of all a little do-rag!!  Hehe!!  We've already got a little camo outfit from a friend, but that could have and would have gone either way for a boy or a girl (though it's definitely more fitting for a boy, so it's perfect!), and then my mom decided that while everyone's nurturing the hunter/biker boy, she's going to nurture his intellectual side, and got him a pair of little khaki pants, a little yellow & blue pinstriped collared onesie, and a little blue sweater vest!!  (So much for spoiling any surprises, huh Mom? ^_^)  Shortly thereafter came a little set of baby boy onesies from a friend, and another good friend got us a little onesie that says "Mommy's New Man" :-D  They all just keep getting cuter!  Okay, I digress, but what can I say, I'm excited about our little boy, and I'm so glad everyone else is too.  And yes, to the first friend I mentioned, this was a MUCH needed break in the monotony that pregnancy has fallen into, and I love all the new excitement buzzing about :).

Another thing too, is that I'm glad my instincts were right.  I had a slight feeling we'd be having a boy, but I didn't feel certain about it.  Needless to say the suspense was killing me!  It was exciting to find out I was right!  And then in response to another friend's comment last time, the bonding experience is on a new level.  Finding out we've got little Harlee Dennis cooking in there rather than just "Peanut" or "Baby P" just opened up a whole new world for me.  I felt so connected to him after that, and it felt so good to use his name when we talk to him.  It's such a warm fuzzy feeling when Justin kisses my belly in the morning and says "Bye, Harlee!" before he goes to work, and it's so fun to daydream about all the little hunting adventures they'll have, and all the things we can do with our little boy as a family.  But the bond is amazing.  It was growing little by little anyway as his flutters and kicks got stronger, but once we knew it was a boy that bond just shot up to new levels I didn't even know I could reach.  And I love that feeling.  I feel like I know when he's happy, or sleepy, or any other kinds of emotions a growing baby can have, and I feel so much stronger of a connection every time he kicks.  I love it.  Pregnancy is definitely on a whole new level now, that's for sure :)

I applaud those who wait til the end to find out, I don't know how you do it because I couldn't handle the suspense that long!  And nothing against waiting, either, my opinion is it's your baby, and it's your decision, and nobody should tell you what you should and shouldn't do.  We made the decision together to find out, and that was our decision alone, and I'm so glad we did :).  No matter what, you should always do what makes you feel good and happy!

A Bit of Prego Venting...

Well, I'm tired of being the fragile pregnant lady now.  So far time has been moving fairly quickly, but if things keep going the way they have these past few days then July may never get here...  I'm going to vent a little bit.  I'm tired of being told "Oh, don't overdo it now!" when people hear I'm working out, rather than being happy for me that I'm doing something good for myself and ultimately the baby.  I'm tired of not "being able" to lift things, like my bags of sheets I take into the laundromat.  I carried them in there to get washed, didn't I?  I think I can get them back out when they're finished.  I spent the entire past summer working out and yes, it's been awhile since I've done a really good workout, but I still have enough muscle mass to carry a measly twenty pounds.  I vent to Justin about this, and he says to just let people help me, it doesn't hurt anything.  Yes it does, it hurts my ego :-(.  Then he says to just take advantage of it, and appreciate the people who are courteous enough to lend a hand.  Okay that's fine, but some of these people have literally glared at me when I reach for something "heavy", like I'm a bad mother or something for thinking I can lift it myself and not letting them do it.  What's that all about?

I have run into a few negative situations so far already.  Like the debate of finding out the gender or waiting.  It's amazing how many people will moan and groan or look at me in disbelief or tell me I'm making a bad decision when I tell them we're finding out what we're having.  One person actually went so far as to tell me finding out "ruins everything".  What??  It's the birth of a baby, if it's healthy, nothing can "ruin" it, what a horrible thing to say!

Another recent thing too is the pregnancy weight gain issue.  I've had people tell me I'm doing great and looking good, followed shortly thereafter by, "But don't be too surprised or upset if you all of a sudden put on a lot of weight and just blow up, that does happen to a lot of people you know."  Um... thanks?  What do I do with that?  Is that even advice?  I can tune that out though.  I have to gloat a little and say I'm really really happy with how things have been coming along so far.  I'll admit my weight, I started out this pregnancy at 162lbs.  That's still a large number in my head, but not as large as it used to be... and I'll repeat my mantra: muscle weighs more than fat, muscle weighs more than fat...  Well I lost a lot of weight in the first trimester, and here I am 17 weeks along and I'm still only 160.  My pants still fit, though a couple of them do need the rubber band trick, but that only started within the past week.  So, yeah, I'm proud of myself.  I'm in that "in-between" stage of pregnancy where the bump is really starting to form, and I actually don't feel like a fat blob instead of a pregnant lady.  I feel like a pregnant lady.  And having Justin's support is what really makes this whole growing process easy for me, too.  The way he looks at the baby bump, he looks so proud and excited, and always tells me how "cute" it is and how excited he is that I'm starting to show.  That really feels good, and is doing wonders for the whole self-image thing.  Thanks, honey :-).

But really, I don't think it's that hard to maintain weight while pregnant.  Yes we get really crazy cravings, but you can still have the same willpower to eat in moderation.  You don't need to eat for two.  Just eat healthy, and listen to your body - eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full.  The baby will get everything it needs as it grows.  It is hard to tell what "hunger" is though, I must admit, but I did a little research on that too.  Our blood sugar levels are all over the place while those hormones are surging, and with those being out of whack it can give us a false hunger sensation.  If I feel like I might be hungry, but not quite sure (like if nothing sounds good to eat), I usually drink something like juice or milk.  That usually seems to balance me out enough to make the hunger feelings go away.  I have actually been eating much less than I did before I got pregnant.  I guess I owe it to being sick in the first trimester, my appetite never fully got back on track and I can't eat as much as I used to because it just doesn't fit.  But all in all I feel really good about how everything's been coming along.

I'll probably have more to vent about in the future, but for now I hope I can run into more positive people who will tell me wonderful, encouraging things about pregnancy.  For those of you who are trying to make this a negative experience for me, just go away. :-)

Snow Day

I am laying on the couch "enjoying" yet another snow day.  This one came out of nowhere!  Justin and I woke up to practically a blizzard this morning.  He went ahead and braved the conditions to go to work, but called me along the way saying to stay inside, it's not worth trying to get out.  Which sucks because I was really excited about going back to the Healing Arts Center for an extended education class in homeopathic cell salts I had signed up for not too long ago.  I was also excited to get out of here because I am getting cabin fever!!  Going to HAC would have been such a welcome break - being in small town southern Illinois ALL THE TIME kinda sucks a lot out of me, and I've been becoming increasingly aware of that since I graduated in 2009.  I felt so much more positive, stronger as a person and energetically, when I was there practicing energy work and staying on top of it.  It felt so good, and I felt so good, and now here I am back in an area where what I learned is completely foreign to everyone and I just kinda fell into the old lifestyle...  And I know I need energy work back in my life, or at least a stronger field surrounding me, especially now that I'm nurturing a little one to bring into the world this summer, and going back to my school would have reminded me of what I've been missing this past year...  Oh well, maybe this is a sign or a reminder that it's in me regardless, I just need to find the tools to uncover it on my own.

So I did some prenatal yoga this morning and wow that felt great!  I need to remember to do this every day!  It was awesome, really focused on connecting with the baby and being surrounded by love and positive energy.  What a great environment for both of us to be in...  It coincides with a book I'm reading called Painless Childbirth by Guiditta Torneta.  I'll be honest, I bought the book while I was still having a lot of fears and reservations about labor and delivery (and oh my lord did I have some fears!  I couldn't even bring myself to think about that final day(s) of pregnancy and what I would go through to bring this child into the world...) and the title itself drew me in.  "Childbirth, painless?  No way...  Tell me more!" and I read reviews from so many women saying they applied what they learned in the book and they too had a painless childbirth.  The birth being all natural, no medical interventions, just to clear that up for the Westerners reading this.  So of course I bought it.  Turns out it's basically a shift in the mindset about childbirth, and it's a step-by-step guide to balancing our energy and emotions during each stage in pregnancy.  It's wonderful, full of great food for thought.  For the first time I'm not fearing that day (or days, depending how long this little guy decides to take!) but actually looking forward to it.  And yes I fully intend to do it all-natural.  I know I'm capable of it, why wouldn't I be?  And it'll be pretty empowering knowing I did, too.

Anyway.  Just rattling some stuff off my mind.  Technically I'm also procrastinating... this snow day is a perfect opportunity for me to actually get some stuff done!  Like this 16x20 drawing I'm supposed to be working on for a guy in Kentucky, or cleaning bathrooms, or vacuuming floors, or mopping the kitchen and bathrooms, or finishing all the cleaning and organizing for the baby's room, or going through stuff for the yard sale, etc., etc., etc.....  Sigh.  When does "nesting" kick in?  Because I'm experiencing the exact opposite - I am officially lazy.  And it's pretty frustrating!  But I can't seem to get myself in gear...  I guess I'll force myself to get it done.  I'll just try to stay focused on the rewarding, accomplished feeling I'll have at the end when I'm putting my feet up and watching TV...  Wish me luck!

Getting Started

So this blog is definitely under construction...  But so far I'm liking how it's going.  I've been wanting to get a blog started for awhile for a number of different reasons: a way to journal, an attempt to resurrect my writing spirit (which seems to have vanished shortly after I graduated high school), a desire to preserve memories, an opportunity to provide anyone who's interested a look into how our little family is developing, and mostly, as I mentioned in my About My Blog section, a way to offer my kids a look at how their lives started when it's their turn to start new lives themselves.

So, I am just starting my 16th week of pregnancy and we just switched doctors.  That's probably the most exciting news in my most recent life.  Originally we were going to Missouri Baptist because several of my friends had delivered there and had good things to say, and because I was of the understanding that they accept and acknowledge a holistic and natural approach to childbirth, which is a very important element to me.  The staff was super nice, but that's about all they had going for them from what I experienced.  I needed more.  When I got my blood work results back from two different tests and found my thyroid levels were high and then low, my doctor wanted more testing done, though both she and I knew my levels were crazy because, uh hello? I'm pregnant and my hormones are all over the place anyway.  I turned down the test, and asked her if we did find something to be actually wrong with my thyroid, what would be the next step?  She said she'd get me on a prescription to regulate it.  I said I wouldn't take it - first of all I do not take prescription meds, it's a pact I made with myself a long time ago for a multitude of reasons, and secondly I'm pregnant, I'm not taking drugs! - so what would be an alternative to regulating it?  She didn't have an answer.  Now I don't hold that against her - I know natural approaches to health care was not part of her medical training, but it's important to me that I see someone who is educated in this field.  So that was definitely a red flag.  Justin and I also felt rushed each time we had an appointment, which is certainly not something we appreciated, especially with our first child on board!

Oh if only I could find a midwife nearby that could give me the natural approach I'm looking for...  Unfortunately birthing centers are few and far between in this country, which sucks because I'd much rather go that route than a hospital (I'm a pregnant woman, for pete's sake, not a medical emergency!).  I'd love most of all to have a home birth with midwife, buuuut that's illegal in our fabulous state of Illinois :)  So hospital it is, though medical emergency I am not.  I then talked to a friend of mine and lo and behold found out she herself had a midwife, and a very wonderful natural birthing experience!  She directed me to Maryville Women's Center, which is the exact same distance as MoBap so we weren't losing or gaining anything drive-wise, and we had our first appointment there yesterday and loved the experience.  The waiting room was much more homey and welcoming, the staff was just as nice as MoBap which was good (because like I said, everyone was super nice there), the doctor was wonderful and knowledgeable and thorough, making us not feel rushed!  I also got to meet the midwife I was referred to, which meant a lot to me beings we didn't even have an appointment with her, she just took the time to come in and say hi.  We felt like we were having a much more one-on-one experience, which is definitely what we were looking for.  Horray!

We got to hear the heartbeat again, which was much louder this time of course, and Dr. Gingrich's guess was we're having a boy, which is funny because that's my guess too.  February 24th we find out for sure, and that day can't come soon enough!

Well, that's all for now.  Sloppy joe's for supper per the hubby's request, so I'm gonna get on that and get ready to settle in for the evening.