I want to talk both about the emotional aspects and the physical aspects of breastfeeding. I'll start with physical. I don't know enough about it to give much in-depth advice, believe it or not, but I'll cover what I do know here, so if I miss something you'd like more information about then get in touch with a lactation counselor, or check out La Leche League either online or find your local group, or KellyMom.com has good info too.
Breastfeeding has, thankfully, been easy for me. Which is why I haven't done a whole lot of research on it - it's just something that came naturally. I can imagine how devastating it must be for moms who can't or who struggle - it seems as though their emotions somewhat match the emotions I had after my c-section with Harlee and I was left feeling broken and defective. You feel like you failed yourself and you failed your child and everyone looks at you as a failure. I honestly don't believe ALL women can do it. Difficulty is something women faced throughout history. Ever heard of a wet nurse? She's a breastfeeding mom who nurses the child of a mom who couldn't do it. I don't know what the reasons are for not being able to, but if you're one of those women, it's okay. You're not defective. Of the women who were unsuccessful, however, I do believe a lot of them could have done it with a proper support team and the proper information provided to them. Which is another reason to get in touch with a lactation counselor or La Leche League. If you're relying on a breastfeeding class provided by your hospital, you're probably not going to get a whole lot, sorry.
Like I said, I've had a pretty smooth breastfeeding experience. With Harlee I didn't have much of a clientele built up at work so I was able to leave him for short periods of time with my mom or grandma and come back to feed him without needing to pump in between. I'd still pump just to make sure I was producing extra in the event I did need to leave him longer, but otherwise this set-up worked well.
Breastfeeding is a supply-and-demand kind of thing. If there isn't a demand, your body will supply less and less. If there's more of a demand, your body will do what it can to keep up, provided you're well hydrated, healthy, and other factors like stress or illness or medication don't hinder you. Nursing the baby directly produces more than just strictly pumping, too.
When both my boys were born, I felt like I was producing enough to keep up with quadruplets. It was crazy. Within a month or so it regulated, though, and I wasn't feeling constantly engorged nor was I drowning them every time they ate.
With Elliot I was at work a lot more than I was with Harlee, so I pumped more regularly. It's definitely been a different experience. I had to make sure I scheduled time between every two-three clients to sit and pump so I could keep my supply up.
I noticed when I started working out a lot more intensely that my supply seemed to start waning, and I was getting a bit nervous about it. Then one day at personal training I got a charley horse in my leg and I suddenly remembered I had been forgetting to take my salt sole in the morning! I started taking it again and that day and all the days following my milk supply increased more and more too - I'm definitely thinking there's a connection! Yet another amazing benefit of balanced trace minerals in the body...
More Ways to Increase Supply
Salt Sole, which I mentioned above.
Fennel essential oil, which I used with success. I diluted it with coconut oil and rubbed it on topically.
Mother's Milk tea is also a good option, but I'm not an avid tea drinker enough to be able to say whether I think that works for me or not. It's worked for other moms though.
Fenugreek supplements are another good option, which is the primary component of the mother's milk tea. I can't speak from personal experience, but I do know a few moms who took this with success.
How To Decrease Supply
Peppermint essential oil. It works like a charm. I'll share the story about my final days of breastfeeding Elliot below, but basically the last couple days I was feeling slightly engorged as my body was still trying to keep up with night feedings, which weren't happening anymore. I diluted some peppermint oil with coconut oil and rubbed it on where it was the sorest, and within minutes I was feeling relief. That stuff will dry you up, so if you don't want that, then avoid it.
The Good...
Breastfeeding has some incredible health benefits for you and your child, and gives them such a great start to life. There's no way I, personally, would have chosen not to do it. You're passing along your antibodies to support your baby's developing immune system, as well as providing them with complete nutrition and beneficial fats, carbohydrates, and proteins to help them grow and develop. There are a lot of good formulas on the market, but nothing holds a candle to the power of real breastmilk.
If you do need a good formula, I recommend Nature's One Baby's Only Organic Formula. A friend of mine told me about it, which she used for her baby, and I looked into it myself. They promote it as a toddler formula because they encourage breastfeeding for the first year, but according to the company it can be used for infants and babies. I really think this is one of the best products out there. Please don't just feed your baby anything if you find you can't breastfeed. That first year of their life is SO important as they develop, so nourishing them properly is HUGE. Food is medicine, people. I will say that over and over and over. Feed your new developing baby the best, and give them the best start in life that you can. They're fully dependent on you for that.
The Bad...
Now let's talk about the emotional aspect. Sometimes (or most times) I can totally see why people choose not too.
'Cause at the same time as it's wonderful, it also kinda sucks.
This is just my personal opinion about it. Not everyone thinks it sucks. A lot of people absolutely LOVE it. And I did have a lot of moments when I held my sweet little guy, feeding him with the nourishment that I produced, that MY body made for him, and was mystified by that bond and how incredible this experience actually is. It's pretty amazing when you think about it. But that was only hit or miss in the comfort of my home.
There's still mixed feelings out there on the subject of nursing in public, and I like to respect the fact that it does make some people uncomfortable, so I'd either try to do it in private or I'd cover up (unless we're friends or relatives, in which case get over it :-)). So that meant when my baby was hungry, I was either sitting all alone with him in an out-of-sight area feeling completely secluded and anti-social, or I'd be covered up and he's hot and uncomfortable and can't eat steadily and ends up causing me discomfort and then he's crabby and then I'm crabby and it just goes downhill from there. Can't really win.
This is just my personal opinion about it. Not everyone thinks it sucks. A lot of people absolutely LOVE it. And I did have a lot of moments when I held my sweet little guy, feeding him with the nourishment that I produced, that MY body made for him, and was mystified by that bond and how incredible this experience actually is. It's pretty amazing when you think about it. But that was only hit or miss in the comfort of my home.
There's still mixed feelings out there on the subject of nursing in public, and I like to respect the fact that it does make some people uncomfortable, so I'd either try to do it in private or I'd cover up (unless we're friends or relatives, in which case get over it :-)). So that meant when my baby was hungry, I was either sitting all alone with him in an out-of-sight area feeling completely secluded and anti-social, or I'd be covered up and he's hot and uncomfortable and can't eat steadily and ends up causing me discomfort and then he's crabby and then I'm crabby and it just goes downhill from there. Can't really win.
Then there's my husband, who meant well, but seemed to think that any time Harlee or Elliot was cranky or fussy that I should "give him some boob" (yeah that's the kind of crude language we use, don't judge! :-)). Which means I'm expected to stop what I'm doing to see if that's what he really does want, and then I'm enslaved to the couch or wherever I happen to land with him. And I feed on demand, I feel that's best when they're that little, I don't really believe you can "schedule" a baby with something like this. But that makes things unpredictable. Sometimes he eats all the time. Sometimes not. Do I have time to start laundry or dishes without getting interrupted? Can I have my friends over to work out without having to stop to take a nurse break? Can we go out to eat as a family and I can actually sit and enjoy a meal from beginning to end without at some point having a baby attached to me?
"Oh but it's such a beautiful bonding experience," they say. "They're so precious, and what a miracle to be able to feed your baby with your own body, what amazing creatures we are!" they say.
Yeah yeah, I just said that a few paragraphs ago. And yes, I would usually agree with that. Like going to bed at night and all is quiet and he really is just so precious and we are bonding. Or when I don't have things to do that I don't want interrupted. Or we're not out in public and I'm not distracted with the thought of "am I offending anyone?"
Once Harlee was on solids, I went down to only nursing him at home - at naptime, right before bed, if he'd wake up in the middle of the night, and first thing in the morning. It was great, but there were moments when it was more of a nuisance. And sure, I hear all the statistics of how we're supposed to nurse our babies until at least two, but I'm sorry, there ain't no way :-|.
I know I may risk getting judged for saying that, and I understand because I honestly used to judge people who wouldn't even TRY breastfeeding - I mean I know it's hard but it's sooooo good for your child. But then a friend of mine voluntarily quit breastfeeding her daughter between 3-5 months (I can't quite remember the actual age). She was stressed out with pumping at work, trying to balance it with her schedule, and maxed out. It changed my outlook. She shouldn't be expected to just suck it up because she's doing what's best for her child - no, in fact, finding ways to reduce stress in her life was what was best for her child, and if it meant breastfeeding had to go, then maybe it was better for her daughter to be on formula than stressed-out breastmilk. I felt she was doing the right thing. And I looked at the situation with a more open mind from there on out.
I'd still find myself placing a little judgement on people who didn't even try though. Until I talked to a few more people and learned that they were just looking ahead realistically - it just wouldn't fit in their work schedule and made more sense if they just didn't even start, rather than risk stressing themselves out over it by trying to make it work. I believe it's important for babies to have moms with as little stress as they can manage, and being a mom is so stressful it's ridiculous anyway (in my opinion), so I support moms when they recognize stress factors and do what they can to eliminate them.
And now, since being more of a working mom with Elliot than I was with Harlee, I totally saw breastfeeding as being a stressor more so than a joy.
Why didn't I stay at home more, since I have the liberty of making my own schedule? Because I love my job and wanted to be there. Being at home too much makes me crazy, which takes us back to the topic of stressed-out moms. I took two months off after having Elliot. I was definitely feeling a bit crazed by the end of it. I wanted to be back in my own familiar environment, doing what I love, and feeling more connected to ME, which happens to be at work. Some women are cut out to stay at home with their kids, and have the patience for it. I am not one of those women.
Breastfeeding made me feel confined. It made me feel stifled. I don't do well in those kinds of situations.
I'm proud that I did it. And I'm grateful that I could do it. But I was also glad to be done, both times. Harlee officially stopped nursing at 18 months, and I was glad to be done. He conveniently started sleeping straight through the night at that point too... interestingly enough... Elliot actually seemed to prefer solid food over breastmilk, and around 10 months old he started refusing bottles or cups of it when he was with babysitters. I nursed him inconsistently until he was a year old, then went down to just naptime, bedtime, middle of the night, and upon waking in the morning. Soon naptime phased out, then a couple of times when I was out late for whatever reason and Justin put him to bed, the bedtime feeding phased out. He's now 15 months old and I'm no longer nursing him at all, and he's actually sleeping through the night now in his own bed.
The first two nights in a row of this, I started getting slightly engorged, as my body was still used to producing enough to feed him every night. I was almost tempted to nurse him one last time, as the realization set in that this is it. I'm done. I'll never nurse a baby again. I'll never cradle him in my arms and feed him the nourishment that I made myself, to help him grow, or to comfort him if he's upset. He's a big boy now.
This was a slightly bittersweet feeling... As I guess all ends of chapters are. But definitely more sweet than bitter. I didn't nurse him one last time. I like that the relationship ended without me knowing it. I rubbed the peppermint oil on, and moved forward.
I do have a lot of expressed milk stored up, which I give him occasionally mixed with almond milk and sometimes a little Barlean's Greens Chocolate Silk (he really doesn't like it plain, trust me, he gets really mad and makes horrible faces), so he's still getting something, but I'm free of the "shackles" that I felt breastfeeding was more often than not. My stress levels are lower, I feel more like myself, more "normal", which makes me a happier person, and that, in my opinion, is what's most important for my kids. I have no problem with breastfeeding for as long as you want. I do have a problem with moms judging other moms about it. And I do encourage moms to do what makes them the happiest, because that, ultimately, is what's best for their children. This is how I personally feel about it, and I just wanted to be honest with you, and let you know it's okay to feel however it is you feel about it. Do what you need to do to make you happy, and your kids will benefit from that. And that's what makes you a great mom.
Breastfeeding made me feel confined. It made me feel stifled. I don't do well in those kinds of situations.
Drawing to a Close
I'm proud that I did it. And I'm grateful that I could do it. But I was also glad to be done, both times. Harlee officially stopped nursing at 18 months, and I was glad to be done. He conveniently started sleeping straight through the night at that point too... interestingly enough... Elliot actually seemed to prefer solid food over breastmilk, and around 10 months old he started refusing bottles or cups of it when he was with babysitters. I nursed him inconsistently until he was a year old, then went down to just naptime, bedtime, middle of the night, and upon waking in the morning. Soon naptime phased out, then a couple of times when I was out late for whatever reason and Justin put him to bed, the bedtime feeding phased out. He's now 15 months old and I'm no longer nursing him at all, and he's actually sleeping through the night now in his own bed.
The first two nights in a row of this, I started getting slightly engorged, as my body was still used to producing enough to feed him every night. I was almost tempted to nurse him one last time, as the realization set in that this is it. I'm done. I'll never nurse a baby again. I'll never cradle him in my arms and feed him the nourishment that I made myself, to help him grow, or to comfort him if he's upset. He's a big boy now.
This was a slightly bittersweet feeling... As I guess all ends of chapters are. But definitely more sweet than bitter. I didn't nurse him one last time. I like that the relationship ended without me knowing it. I rubbed the peppermint oil on, and moved forward.
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| Enjoying his "special" chocolate milk |
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